If I looked to men, I will surely fall...

Today's Bible Verse (29th Sept 2016)

Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. (ESV)

Today's Inspiring Thought: Don't Be in Such a Hurry

In our fast-paced, drive-thru, high speed, instant everything world today, waiting on God seems like a foreign concept. But the Lord is good to those who wait for him.

Matthew Henry writes in his Commentary on the Whole Bible regarding this verse, "While trouble is prolonged, and deliverance is deferred, we must patiently wait for God and his gracious returns to us.

While we wait for him by faith, we must seek him by prayer: our souls must seek him, else we do not seek so as to find. Our seeking will help to keep up our waiting. And to those who thus wait and seek God will be gracious; he will show them his marvelous lovingkindness."

The past week have been really challenging. One after another, just like a javelin pierced into my heart. The comfort of knowing Him, as long as I keep looking to the cross, keep looking and keep looking, I know I will gain my strength, but it's still tiring, to have people saying things but never doing it, to have the promises broken, for sake of impressing others, etc. Everyone have their own personal agenda, and what agenda do I have? Other than just serving a true and living God? What is so difficult of just lending a helping hand though it's out of the normal responsibilities? It's really a scary world we are living in, everyone is only looking for interest of themselves...Lord how about me?

Many times I sow in tears, but I reap in joy, but is that really so normal? How far can I go? As far as the Lord leads me? Hmm, a lot of uncertainties, but guess only God will I be able to hang on. 

People, young people, children, they have always been my heartbeat, to reach and love, I enjoyed every bit of it, ministering and talking and encouraging them, but how come ministry could be so challeging when I enjoyed it? Because of human factor. Lord, help me! 

Each time I was discouraged, I kept pushing myself, and push and push...and in the end still feel satisfy, because even the slightest smile on the student face gave me joy. Today my quietest boy, he lead in the song, though the guitarist help most, but still, that's a bold step, even to be able to tell us to rise and let's sing our first song. I am just a simple and easily contented gal, little little things touched me. After cg we had surprised makan, the boy fried rice for us...God bless this young man heart. Of so many students, yes, 1 or 2, whose heart fully into the Lord...that would give me much joy, as long as they acknowledge that Jesus is good and they know how to be appreciative of the things given to them by Gods grace.

My Stradford 1 students. What joy to see them smile.

Lord, help me to run in this journey, not with my pastors pace but with Your pace. You are good, always and forever ! 

Really Amazing Race 26 Sept 2016

I was exhausted to the max. Slept 730pm ystd till 730am this morning. I guess I really had drained all my energy for this camp. All my life, I always wonder, how come I always seems to walk alone in this journey...but I know, it is through this journey Abba appear to me even more real. The journey where when everyone despise me, I know Abba doesn't. That makes me strong and not my own strength but I know the Lord who is in me is greater than anything else on this earth. The joy of seeing fruit of my labor is indescribable. 

Today I searched through my old journal to find the paper which I wrote in year 1992 when I first accepted the Lord many many years ago, to find it had faded...the date when I first made commitment to the Lord that I will serve Him with all my heart, with all my strength and all my might. On Saturday night when we were having campfire at camp, God just reminded me...24 years ago, you made this commitment, u threw the branch, signifying I am the branches that God will use to serve Him...after 24 good years, here am I, serving Him in full capacity. It's really not easy, many heart issues to deal with, but I know God will bring me through, read some of the journals I had written and most of it are of I'm climbing and never seems to reach destination, flowers that is yet to bloom, etc...as I look back, yea...it would take many many years as Abba is not done with me yet. Sometimes I asked God to take away burden so strong for the lost souls, but it remained so strong still, sometimes it's just too hard to bear, but when I looked to the cross, Christ even bore much more...

This date 24th Sept 2016, God reminded me again, the promises and desire I placed into His hand...and I will still pursue on. Thank You Abba !

As I think back the tears I shed for the needs of the ministry, it's really worth it all, seeing the growth, seeing life touched and changed, seeing God ministered to individual life, I just can't stop my tears of joy and thank the Lord for all He have been to me. It has been a tough decision, yet through it all it is worth it all. 

18 Sept 2016 Welcoming Lunch @ EPCC Summit

5pm

I am abit tired now, woke up 5am, don't know what's troubling me, but as usual, when I woke up early without any reason I knew it is the time the Lord wants me to pray, lazily I got up and read the scripture. Praying for the welcoming lunch sharing and all to go well. Early in the morning got message to ask me bring new visitor materials for the church as it was depleted, I was quite upset, why the last minute? But thank God, reluctantly I went back office at 815am, opened office door, not knowing where is all the barang and looking for it high and low, anyway, managed to bring it and reached church late, but coz it was raining so heavily, service haven't start, and praise God I was still on time anyway.

Today when Joe was sharing testimony, I was so encouraged, never knew the time when I brought him out to eat last few months ago, that's when he only have one meal in the morning till 1030pm when I brought them to supper after cell group. Again, I am always answered prayer to others, and now God is the one always meeting my needs. Last 2 days I was planning to buy rice to all the 3 hostels, just in my thought, Abba, who are you going to supply now? And ystd a student told me she wanna give, 14 packs of 5kg rice, for a student working in a sundry shop to earn her tuition fees, that's a lot but because God placed on her the burden when I brought them all out last Friday, she caught the vision to ministry to her own anak Sabah, how wonderful is my God. He is never too late! 

Here comes the beras

Small myvi boot w 14 packs of 5kg rice across the bridge :)

Just a one time meeting and this beautiful girl catch the burden. PTL!

How do u put 10 ppl in this paper, this creative kids came out w this idea. Haha

Finally after a long day, went out makan w these new kids on the college, ah Moy cina dgn baju kurung bawa 4 org yg nampak macam Muslim pergi makan Babi and I became center of attention, ppl looked at my baju first, then my face, that's what my student told me 😛

So much accomplished today, and I just can't help but want this to be a reminder again of Gods faithfulness to me.

I'm now in contact w a used-to-be-editor for my book writing, not sure this will be accomplished, well, pray God will make it a reality, not for my own glory but for His.

I wrote better than I speak, but I pray God will sharpen me to speak forth His words with confident. Am all right sharing my testimony and word of God, but when come to being a MC and meetings on big big group I would just lost my words..I'm still work in progress.

And the joy of the Lord will always be my strength! 

8pm - another event of Gods faithfulness. How great is our God...

Trials after Trials...still standing strong

13 Sept 2016 - 4.10 pm 

Time for some reflections and while studying the book of Samuel, stumble upon King Saul life...and these past months been really challenging, the more I am getting myself into ministry the more opposition I face, but guess through it all...He is still with me, and being an iron lady, still am going strong...

Had great time with my nephews last 2 days, despite they are not well, and despite of my packed schedules, I still could make time for many things. I pray God will continue to grant me this kind of energy up till the time I go to meet Him. Missing my dad alot...10 more days it would be his 13 years of going home...at times I wonder, how would it be if he is still around...anyway, no point to wonder coz its not going to happen. Having quite heavy burden over mom for past weeks, she have not been well, admitted last week, and today she was vomiting and having diarrhea pula...and I was super tied with students work and the campus camp. Last week really kenot tahan that I just broke down in front of pastor, was shouldering so much things and I feel so lonely. I wish I could be more steady and consistent in my walk with Abba and not to be shaken...but guess God understand me, He has made me this way, a fragile heart...and today I learn something which I hope God will help me to have a elephant skin. Sometimes, I guess working in corporate world is so much simpler...everyone have KPI and everyone in the Dept just need to flow along and make sure KPI is achieved and together everyone will work as a team to get to that point. Execution doesnt seems to be that difficult, probably I have the authority there....but in a full time context...hmm...everyone will have their own ideas...and its again another phase of life...where I need to learn to have better EQ and grace...Lord, help me !

Yesterday also was quite a gloomy day....less than a year....so much things changed. Heart was again crushed...but guess this is the final one...I wish I could just speak to someone....but I know there is no point talking over it...today, this message minister to my heart...Let it go....Let it go....

Let It Go! – Part 2

September 10, 2016

“But some scoundrels said, ‘How can this fellow save us?’ They despised him and brought him no gifts. But Saul kept silent.” (1 Samuel 10:27 NIV)

In order to serve God and be used by him to become a leader in God’s house in any small or big way, you have to have two kinds of skin: You have to be tender like a baby toward God and toward the people to whom you’re ministering, but you have to have elephant skin when it comes to what the scoundrels are saying. There are many people who have a tenderness toward the Lord, but don’t know how to ignore people who are foolish. Thus, with any little mosquito that goes by, they get discouraged and want to quit. There are others, however, who only have elephant skin, and God can’t use them, because they have no sensitivity toward God or toward people’s needs.

So don’t concentrate on what “he said” or “she said.” If people attacked and maligned King Saul – not to mention the apostle Paul and Jesus himself – it can happen to us as well.

Saul was very wise, for he said nothing in response to the naysayers. He’s going to make a lot of mistakes in his kingship, but not this day. No, this day, he lets the foolish people ramble on. Oh, how good it is to just ignore! That’s more easily said than done, because we could easily get caught up, always obsessing over whether or not someone liked what we said, or wondering, “How about if I made a mistake?” Sadly, there are people who have gone nowhere for decades because they’re worried about what people might think. You have to know that even if God were to use you as he used John the Baptist, there would still be people criticizing it, so you have to just let it go! You have to do what Saul did here. Just ignore it and think to yourself, “You’re not going to take away my peace. You’re not bothering me. No, I know what God wants me to do, and God’s blessing me, so I’m keeping on…”

I do not choose to be in front lines...it is God who had placed me...and whatever it is He is going to bring me through. 

Just have to hang in there...and see the victory that I would be rejoicing over it...