30 November 2015, a month before bidding 2015 goodbye

It had been 2 months since I came back from Sabah...spent a month in Hawaii and it has been a month I was back in Penang....

This 2 months brought me so much tears, the painful lessons that I have to learn along the way, I stumble and fall, but God always pick me up again. When the time I was in my desperade situation, it's always the time I was left all alone...and this is exactly how the Lord deal with me, to focus just in Him rather than men...

Coming back to Penang again is quite a scary things for me somehow, the trauma of all the negative words spoken against me...the discouragements I received and also heart issues which needs to be dealt with...and I just can't do it in my own. Was like a yoyo for some time, but now I am declaring this to come to past; I am highly favored, deeply loved, greatly bless! I guess in ministry that's what would happen, and I believe everything I had gone through are preparation for me, in life there would be much hurts, esp from the loves one...that's why my heart have to be really tough...things would work out fine when I am in a place where nobody knows me...because I went in as ministers...people look up to me, but when I'm back to my own home, and if I were to be in a ministry for a permenant period of time...that's where all the rubbings would come...and if I am so sensitive and easily hurt, I think I would be doom...so I have to really train myself to put up an armour of God...to help me in this journey, with belt of truth buckle around my waist, breastplates of righteousness, shoes ready with the gospel, shield of faith with which extinguish the darts from the enemy, helmet of salvation and sword of the spirit which is the word of God. In all these, pray in the spirit as how the Lord leads....

I really cannot be bothered by how other people look at me but what does the Lord really is saying? Many times opposition will just come, and I gotta just move on and on and on...

Last Saturday again the Lord speaks something which is unreasonable...with a very heart I have to listen...if it is from Him, and I test it out, my faith would rise again, Lord, as i painfully give it all to You, You, You will return it to me back with many many folds.

Many times its really very scary...but when He speaks, He will bring it to past...

So Lord I am trusting You....and You shall bring it to past....

 

Post Haggai

Another month since the last time I blogged. Now at car workshop to repair the holes of my tyre coz of nail which for whatever reason stuck to my tyre, well, blessing in disguise, at least now I know my front tyre are bald and need to do alignment and balancing which I never did before for 2 years, how ignorant I am...

Came back home and I have so much to handle and deal, but Gods strength is with me, at times feel I'm so worn out, I kept hanging on to Him...all I know Abba Father have deal with me much...and I know He will continue to do so. Despite how gloomy the situation is, I had learned one thing, to keep in prayer and tell no one, human always fails but God never and it's really so exciting when experiencing that tangible love of God in my life...and it's all about Him and nothing about me.

I am just a human full of sins and with my sinfulness God came and redeem me and I ought to live my life as a prince and not pauper...I just wish that those struggling same thing as me would also experience Father God...

Life is full of pains, but the joy of pains is seeing our inner self grow and be renew by the Lord, pity is one who is blinded to see the truth, as enemy constantly sow seed of deception, when we think we know it all, it's when the pitfall begin...so we ought to guard our life and mind against unwholesome things and keep our heart open...and allow God to work and speak into our life...

Thank You Lord, for you have been the healer of my heart, my advocate, my all in all...