On Bended Knees

I'm I'm back to KK. Everything that I planned does not materialised but Abba Father had planned for me even in a nicer way. I'm always humbled and awe by the work of my Daddy. He really knows what I need. Suppose to come down to kemabong following headmaster and stay a night at kemabong and then early early morning take the public transport to tenom and then bus back KK, but in the end I do not need to go thru the hassle coz God provided a son of Ketua Kampung to drop me at KK straight. God is really good that he literally drop me right in front of the place I am staying, coz he and his family happen to stay not very far by...really so bless for the arrangement. 

This morning as I was having my quiet time, I just cried...God is really good, I'm just being amazed for all He had done in my life, where can it just be a coincidence? No way, God is indeed in control of my life. I ponder on Jeremiah 17 & 18, indeed those who trust in Him will be blessed and I'm just like a clay bring moulded and form by Him...oh Lord that you would create in me a clean heart. I desire to visit SIB Skyline on this Sunday but my friend couldn't pick me, so I tot im just going to rent a car for a day, God honors that and He sent angel to pinjam me car, what a blessing. He really knows exactly what I need. With the car I could at least go to find food and don't have to walk across to get food..indeed He knows...is this not hand of God? 

I don't know how long else I'll be in Sabah but I know He is in control and will lead me. Lord help me always always to be sensitive to Your leading. Many many things unsaid....not a loud prayer, not pleading before him, just small little desire and hope inside of me, yet God knows it al...if it's not God...what and who else it could be? I really see a changed me this time round...I just know God is really doing something in my life...so I'll just surrender and submit, knowing He is in full control :) oh what a great journey so far :) 

Din manage to take the picture with the village son and his wife...only his grand daughter that I have here...hihi

22 July 2015

Today finally it rained after 3 days of bright sunny day. I still prefer bright sunny day coz when it rain path would be slippery and it's very cold. 

This week I had few meals of meat to eat compared with other day coz I asked the villager to get from me at kemabong last weekend. I gave RM 50, and I got back so much stuff...he actually misunderstood me. I asked him to get chicken for all the SIB ppl here...not for myself, but he came back with almost 10 chicken wings and 8 fishes for me only.  This is the amount of food i have to finish within 2 days as there is no fridge here...imagine my food during the weekend last week, super full! 

I think the remaining money he bought 10 packs of bihun for me, probably he thinks that better to give to the villagers. Haizzz...communication breakdown lar...yesterday a villager provide me with chicken and vege again, so this week practically I had very healthy meal of chicken and vege, praise God...

Guess wanna get some milk powder here for my calcium. Recently my wrist is abit painful and been there for some time, pray it'll be fine soon

Now each day I practically need to go chase after the std 6 kids just to give them tuition. Today I was abit frustrated, taught them Maths, but they are super bored and can't concentrate, and my mood also abit down...Haizzz, pray what I teach will be beneficial to them la..and that God would give them wisdom when they sit for their exam. I really need a lot patience dealing with them. I think teaching kindergarten really less stress la...Those bigger kids, really don't know how to attract their attention to teach 😭 

Will need to go back to KK by sunday, so I'm going to hitch ride from headmaster to go down kemabong and then Friday early morning I hope to be able to reach tenom by 8am to ride the bus to KK, Lord I commit the journey into Your hand.

 

The Encounter

While I was having lunch just now I watched a downloaded Christian movie - The Encounter, wow it was really an amazing movie, really speaks to my heart and I believe it's a movie that would also touch others..I must spread it and let my friends know.

Today again I waited for kids to come and study, but they never turn up, haizzz and I got to go and hunt for them at their house again..dunno how long can I sustain eh..they seems not very keen to study, anyway I'll do my part la to help..most important I pray they see a role model of teacher who encourages and don't give up on them and I pray in due time, when they grew up they remember once upon a time there is this chinese lady who came and always nag them and ask them to study and follow God with all their heart. I accepted the Lord at std 5, so I do believe they understood well what i said coz I was there before. 

On the chicken farming, committee being set up...but it's not moving..am not sure am I doing right thing? I can give money, in fact had given much...but is it worth it? Again the question of worth..sometimes feel I have generous heart to contribute but is it to right channel? Like the hair treatment that I actually bought...now am still paying installment...thinking back..I did not really tell the hair salon gals whole gospel..but just sharing God is love and why I can give up my job to go Sabah 😞 so is that right move? Haizzzz...that's past, I should move on and by faith claim discernment and wisdom. He says He will give unto those who ask. This one week here been really great, the more I stay connected to Him, the more His power is evident in my life. Problem is we are so busy with life that we just give God the remaining and not the best...Lord help us...

Hihi, this is the eldest couple in my class, really having hard time teaching them coz they came late and can't catch up, so I can only do this much...I guess it's hard to absorb coz they don't even understand BM, only Murut...anyway, they seems to be enjoying the class coz they're smiling throughout the class, very cute de..

And this is my lunch, fried rice with soup..not bad lar...at least now I can estimate how much salt, oil and garlic to put :) 

Yesterday kampung gather for Raya celebration, so i was there...paiseh when the son of Ketua kampung mention my name and specially mentioned im single..apa la..

And this is interesting that I learn from them..how to multiply using this chart...I never learn that when I was at primary school. Nowadays it seems they have new way of learning which is different from us :) 

19th July 2015

Once again, the Lord had shown His faithfulness again...I shared on Lord's Prayer from Matt 6-9-13. A simple prayer yet minister to the heart of the moms. When really surrender all to Him, He really reign in my heart...and I know definitely it's not me. Many times when I shared, kids making noise, distraction comes, yet I continue sharing...and ultimately God reign...and right now as I'm typing this testimony, God just reminded me to pray continuously for the message to falls on good ground...Lord, I pray whatever being shared will be on good soil, that You touch Your people and let them remember your Words and keep inside their heart always and forever...

This 2 days I had over supply of food. Asked the villager to help me buy some vege, but he ended up bought 8fishes and more than 10 chicken wings...have to cook all coz can't keep...so this few days I'll have to reheat and reheat the food...

And I'm learning to cook pretty well now...and this morning I had successfully fried fish and it still look good...so yeah....improvement :) 

And today I got to eat mango, my favorite...so happy...thank God for His love for me.

I have really learn faith and trust a lot, and I pray it's not just at village im that, but all the time. There are many uncertainties, but I just have to press on and know God is in good control. 

Since its school holiday now, some students are back to kampung from kemabong...so I took opportunity to take a group pic with them. I guess this is the most complete congregation so far...

Praise God for such fruitful and faithful week. Ystd night as I gaze into the sky, so much of stars I saw up the sky...and I'm really thankful for His faithfulness and love to me...it has been really a journey with Father God, and I'm looking forward for more exciting journey with Him. 

God is good

Hi, it has been more than a week I'm at the village..slowly getting back to the pace now, and lesson is picking up..I guess I should learn to lean on Him and not my own strength..I have been trying to speed up teaching and make sure they understand...it's all in my will and strength...but the Lord says, He is fighting the battle for me, not on my own strength, I just need to position myself for His use. I have been asking the Lord to restore back the passion in me, and yes He did..not that I totally lost the passion for the people but just abit of discouragement coz I wanna make sure people understand me and they grow, but am I the one to determine it? No! It is the Lord, I just need to be a vessel for His intention. Thank You Lord for speaking to the depth of my heart. 

Today in my class only 2 came..the number of people slowly getting low but I know those who stayed, those are one who will be bless. I just need to rest in Him and see His work in this place. Whereas whether will I still stay on after coming back from Haggai, I'll leave it to the Father to decide. Also on my friends coming to visit me, as much as I wish they can be here, I'm also surrendering it to the Lord...indeed I believe it's another new season for me, season of change. I no longer hooked to watsapps and yearning to talk to people, esp my boyfriend, but I'd learn to talk to the Lord and not being frustrated when my bf couldn't have time for me. I just have to press on and know God would light my path and I will discern where He wants me to be...it takes really just faith...little by little He will lead. 

This is my first time mentioning my boyfriend here in the blog. Well, probably some of you may have known, some not...but yes, before I left to Sabah, I had a relationship in Penang. He understood my calling and I'm thankful for his support. Times are quite tough at times due to the long distance and we had indeed a lot quarrels and disappointment with one another, despite that, we persevere on...for those who knew me well, they would know that long distance is a no no for me, yet I have manage to cope and just surrender to God. When I really learn to surrender, I really see hand of God. 

At times we just want to push our way through...but what does the Lord requires just to walk with Him, each day, baby step by baby step...God is really good :) I'm so thankful for His leading and I know I'm in His good hand...

Additional new- comer...so have to re-teach a,b,c again 

My cooking too had improved :)

Taking up position and stand firm

Again, after almost 2 years the Lord reminded me again, take up position and stand firm, rise to be where God wants U to be...

You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow and the Lord will be with you - 2 Chronicles 20:17

Yesterday I had a dream again, that God indicated that He will help and deliver me...but why am I still be so anxious? God help me just to stand firm and I know I will see your deliverance, patience and endurance, putting Him first, to the point that I would have to sacrifice Isaac at the altar.

Pray!! Pray and pray!!! That's what been in my heart, yet many times I fail to do that, I know God have indeed place me here for a season, just to be still with Him! 

15 July 2015

I came to sabah 13 Apr, and now it's 15 July...about 3 months here...but minus time back, about 2 mths plus am here...feeling quite sentimental about it...at times still can't believe I'm here...so much to express yet just don't have the right time and opportunity to jot down...life can be quite busy and taxing despite at village...anyways just need to learn to be still and know God is in control...

This time when I'm back here seems that I have a different sentiments..Lord help me to discern..what's really best for me..only U know it.

Now I am doing revision w Std 6 kids..and at times could be quite discouraging coz I'm trying with all my heart to help them but their interest seems to be super low...and everyday I have to hunt for them to do revision. Hmm..at times I would think is it worth it..but I guess I only need to do my best and allow God to do His rest...help me Lord !

This is the Day He has made

It's another new morning. Thank God that once again I'm adjusting well here. I find myself more connected to God than the first time..I guess it's really much of priority and urgency. Not to say I don't have urgency to seek Him last 2 months but somehow this round, just felt God really have something for me here...that I have to stay in tune with Him and hear what He is saying to me. Not as anxious as last time to be connected to people from Penang, line here is slow afterall, so I have to learn to live with it and not to be frustrated...pretty much living a relax life here..knowing God surely have something in store for me. 

This round also I'm more connected to villagers here, not just SIB but generally, not as shy as when i first came. I pray God will restore me to the position where He intend me to be...whatever issues needs to be dealt with, let Him deal and let me go through process of sanctification and transformation. 

I pray that I'll have a fruitful seminar next week where I'll be meeting up with a friend..and still praying, whether that's what the Lord want it to be :) and also to get whatever barang I had left out when I came back here coz too rush..

Do continue to pray for me, for this season, especially that God will work the issues in my heart, allowing me to realign back my life to Him.

9 July 2015

Today is mom birthday...sigh, feel bad that I did not celebrate with her before leaving to Sabah. I had reminded myself to make sure I celebrate, but so much happenings in Pg when I was back and I forgotten the most important thing. In life, sometimes we are so driven to the unnecessary things in life that we ultimately forgotten the important :(

Today I had started to teach the adults and also have the revision which is based on UPSR papers which I bought and photocopied when I was back in Penang, my heart was grief as they just couldn't answer the question and I have very limited time with them as their exam is early Sept...Lord, help me to continue to put my best and be patient to love and teach them. Grant them the concentration as well. 

Not sure I can finish all the books with them..hope they can speed up learning and whatever I teach them, they will be able to learn and ngam ngam in the exam also have similar question so that they could answer it.

God is still teaching me many things, especially in trust. This round time I'm more prepared back here, not because of what I had brought here but more of the trust in Him. Tuesday when I departed from Kemabong it was 545 pm, and by the time I got back was already 7pm and it was dark. My heart was so weary on the way up, but when I reach, again God showed His faithfulness that really extend to the heaven...i don't find any bugs and right after I prepare my mattress, and have a fast bath, I laid straight and knock out already...praise God that He gave me a tough heart and strength. 

Did not manage to buy fresh vege and also my insect spray was left at KK...but through it all, again, I felt God is just saying trust Him...Lord that I kept my heart...thank God there are canned food leftover from previous mission trip for me..at least there are something, otherwise I think I'm going to lost weight again..haha..He works in just miraculous way...

At night in the school, passed my sleeping time already...let the kids watch avengers..they are all precious in Gods eyes 

First day back Kg Kapulu 8 July 2015

Back here again after 2 weeks break back home. Seems like time really really not enough use..just feel abit sad that I wasn't been feeling well back home, physically and emotionally. Been through some issues back home and until now, I guess I'm still carrying it here. Yesterday as I was going up here my heart was so troubled. It was quite late by the time we started the journey up, so by time I reach here it was dark...and I was worried coz the house haven't been occupied for 3 weeks and I am worry there would be a lot bugs around. And when I remembered I forgotten the insect spray on the way up, I wanna cry...

Praise God again He had shown His faithfulness once again, that ystd might not one insect I seen in the house...either He has close my eyes and make my heart at peace or really insect all die liao...

This morning when I got up, saw a few dead spider and killed some small little cockroaches. Found a lot ants..whole day been cleaning house and not yet done at this time..

Somehow my heart was abit troubled since ystd till now. I kept praying God to preserve this heart of mine and help me to listen to Him as to what He has for the people here...Suppose to prepare a lot at home and also I thought I have few days at KK to prepare but all my plan are upset coz I wasn't been feeling well and coordination with Rumba also not very well..so quite afew miscommunication here n there..but I know God is still in control...

Lord, please lead me!

Touchdown KK again

3 weeks out of village and finally tomorrow going back again. Had a really fruitful weeks at the mission as well back in Pg, despite being sick for a couple of days.

Here is the sharing for the mission trip I went on 18-22 June 2015 with KL First AOG team. It's really unique that the team consist of people from 5 different churches...it's really amazing how God brought us all together as a team serving Him together. 

Typing my sharing now on the plane while flying back to KK once again. It had been 2 weeks since our trip to the village, and I'd been busy running around and sleeping a lot coz my body system just went abit hair-wired. 

I thank God for His faithfulness, always and forever. Prior to the mission trip I have not been feeling very well. I was abit concern that I would be sick coz my body been giving me couple of signal. I guess the enemy is really working hard to get me down..but I know the God that is in me is greater than all. I do not also anticipate that I would be traveling into few villages right after coming down from village, having no time to rest at all. My sleeping time suddenly shifted from 8-9pm-6am to past midnight and still woke up at 6am..so I was really tired by the time we travel into the village. 

God really knows my situation well. I am really thankful that the first assignment in KK was cancelled. That gave me another day to adjust and rest. I was feeling abit guilty coz I have not contribute much this round. At first I felt abit out of place and lost of what's going on as I did not closely keep track of email and conversation as I'm in village. For past few mission trips, I'll have responsibilities for the children ministry, but this round, seems I'm very relax (when I met the team, then I know why...Sarah, Penny and Felicia...U guys are simply great!!) Im really thankful that this trip I am really resting and enjoying the trip, like a holiday for me 😝. 

At times I really feel that God can just custom made situation to really really favor me. He really knows how much I can take it and how much I can bear.

I'm thankful for each of the team member as well. You are all very cooperative and I really can feel the unity among the team..it always encourages me to see and hear what God been doing in individual life and to know that hey, I'm not alone..there are still many people out there that loves God and want to do His will. Each of us has our own struggle, but still, we are pursuing Him, even more and more. 

Each mission trips that I joined, it has increase and strengthen my faith. This time round, despite the feedback on weather, somehow I just felt so assured in my heart that God is going to go ahead of us. So for this trip, again we seen His faithfulness, and God is just saying to me He doesn't want just faith to trust on weather and situation but am I and dare I to put my whole trust of my entire life to Him. This is the challenge that He had given to me. Not by might, nor power but by His Spirit. 

Listen to what God has to say...it's something that have always been in my heart...and I'm just waiting...trusting that I will find Him in that secret place. Sometimes the journey could be quite lonely...but I know deep in my heart that He has never at once let me go...even when I am faithless. 

Thanks Bro David and Leslie for making all the arrangement for the trips and making sure I eat well :) I'm really really thankful for KL First AOG for their kingdom minded mentality and allowing us to be a part of the mission team and of course our Chief Pirate Head that hook us all up on the ship to glorify Gods Name. 

Indeed..His thoughts and plans are higher than ours :)