I kept falling in love with Him

21 sept 2015 930am

Am at kindy teachers training now, flesh wanted to rest but heart wanna be a part of them. Though don't really understand whole flow of training but I still attend and be helper as much as I could, meet this gal name Rebecca, she's Caucasian; giving her life for the work of ministry as well, really encouraged to see ppl who have heart for God not counting the cost. Talked to her and she's such a nice lady, can feel she's a gracious gal...she knew some teachers not teaching well, but she does not rebuke, but what she told me is that teaching should come with the heart, the Lord will convict, so she it's not up to her to rebuke and it's not based on punishment or rebuke that they will do better but conviction of the Lord and of course love, and the Lord will definitely convict...such encouragement. And she speaks good Bahasa!! Salute...many many mat salleh I met in Sabah that gave their life to the Lord serving...will I be one of them I wonder...

This few days I had been sleeping quite late and still wake up 6am, felt body is abit low batt, God sustain me! Thank God for all the good sharings I had with new friends I met and Rumba...I know God have plan for me, I just need to listen and really obey...ystd sermon by the guest speaker also just for me...God is really good...

Tomorrow will travel into interior again, hihi, then wednesday flying off, I just can't rest at home, haha...but I know God will give strength...abit sleepy though...

Live post finally

Now am able to post online finally...had finished uploaded all my post written in village, now am updating real time blog.

Thank God I safely reached KK, travelling alone in the bus with 2 luggages and 2 boxes of my barang. Praise God for good journey and faithful servant of God who never fail to pick and drop me each time I come to KK. 

Looking back at all the post, can't imagine I am doing all this. It is really God who had lead me so far and I know He will continue to lead. I just have to rest and trust in Him. Lord, help me to rest in You! 

This few days I hope I can have enough rest for Sarawak mission trip and then will fly to US for the Haggai conference. Indeed God is good. Still many things not put in place but soon it will I pray. Will be joining the teachers training this sunday - Tues and then Wed straight fly to Kch...still have not done packing to estimate how heavy is my luggage, whether do I need to check in. I'll probably leave most of my things here la...Lord, thank you for your protection so far, and a very meaning journey for past 5 months. I guess the most unforgettable things is how God really arrange my transport from KK-Tenom-kemabong, to and fro, despite the inconveniences. Also how the Lord bring diff strangers to fetch me to where I wanna go. All these aren't coincident coz no such things as coincident coz really it wouldn't happen just like that, it's really divine and I surely know God is in it :) 

Still rise as early as im at village now though I'm out in the town...still feeling blur blur but it's going to be a good day coz God with me. Look forward for the camp and back home :) all glory, honor and blessings belongs to Him!

Doa Dan puasa

Sunday Service

13 Sept 2015 10.08am

Today we have fasting n prayer service again, I'll be sharing at 4th session, hope by then the villagers still awake. I was so touched during the worship, we sang ampunilah dosa kami, selamatkan bangsa kami, the song is about restoration, and I feel this song is so appropriate for building prayer altar...God that U will heal our land. I don't understand Murut, so now typing here while putting thoughts on place. 4 more days I'll be down to KK, pray God will help me arrange my  transport down coz I'm with many things, as how He did previously, He will do it again, I just have to trust Him!

My thoughts are everywhere today, missing home...and also thinking of whether I will bring my car to Sabah, will i continue to serve here? Is he willing to join me in Sabah? Many uncertainties, guess in all that I just need to continue to trust Jesus coz He is the author and perfecter of my faith....

4 more days...sure I'm going to miss them again...but somehow I have more heart for the Kapulu, probably coz spiritually they are more needy...here at Ahuron, ppl are quite all right, most of the young ppl know how to read, even those don't know they have heart for God, and knows how to pray...so my presence here not much needed as Kapulu...

Anyway, where's next again? That's the question I don't have an answer, I can only continue to pray and commit to God....  

8.12pm

Praise God this morning I had good time sharing with them about prayer and fasting, pray I'd explained well...now at night service and again I'll be sharing...my head is aching, whole day I din manage to rest, from morning till now, had quick dinner thinking I can rest but then villager came n gave me wild boar again, so I have to cook it, and I fried half n half cook soup, and now I'm really low batt liao, Lord, grant your servant strength ! I guess I'm tired coz period...din expect it will be so soon, God is good nevertheless, I thought I don't have to go through the inconvenience of period here, somehow I have to go through it and still give thanks. Lord, grant me health and strength! Even as I share your words, You anoint my mouth to speak forth Your words...thank You Jesus...

September eleven

11 Sept 2015, 2.07 pm

Finally have some time to rest coz din cook much today, just steam and goreng fish, plenty of food today, 3 chicken wings, 4 buns, 8 fishes, 2 avocados, wow I am super blessed. So bless coz all are my favorite, esp avocado, it's so expensive over at town, but here I can have it anytime, the villagers have their own plant...God is really good. I know I can't have everything so perfect but where God place me really is perfect in His plans for me. Here although water is issue, but I have plenty of food and won't be lacking in nutrients, unlike kapulu. If I had the same food as I had at kapulu I think my body won't last coz the water really not clean here...though I'm feeding on mineral water now, when I make drink and mandi I am still using the tangki water, and I think my body won't take it...I guess my body is really tough and tahan-ing now...coz every night I could feel that my throat is so dry and sore, but each morning when I wanna teach it's ok...so it's really very not natural that my body able to take it, it must be divine....If only the water here is good and got line here, I really won't mind staying long, haha...but what does the Lord actually say? The ppl here are quite self sufficient, I am not doing much here too, for the literacy class, it's really tough but anyway I know ultimately not me but God....

Ystd we had prayer at every house in the village, due to a word of knowledge given by a villager...and I also joined and asked to Amin-kan doa 2 times, really need to be ever ready here, quite a challenge for a BM like mine...anyway at least the villagers really have heart to pray, for whatever reason it is...fear or really wanna obey the word of knowledge. Not sure what the lady had spoken to the church so far, but she seems to be like a lady prophet to the church...Today Murina said to me that that night really the boy had manifestation and after prayer he became calm, well, I don't want to comment further but just commit to God and ask the Lord to forgive me if I had passed judgement and grieve the spirit. I'm not sure have I sinned, the bible said if we blaspheme against spirit it's unforgiven sin, but what does it really mean? Am still pondering on it...

Countdown, 6 more days, Lord I pray everything will go well, not sure how am I gonna pack my stuff and go Tenom alone..Lord help me...You have always proven faithful to me, so am just trusting You la...

It's very very windy now, wind is so so strong, wonder elsewhere is there anything happening? Any more quake? How is political situation at malaysia now? Would Najib step down? How is mom? sis? Joel and Jared? Joseph? The 3 J's in my life...how about brother and Michelle and Merlyn? Last msg mom sent me was that Merlyn and Michelle slept over in the evening at mom house and mom says Merlyn is cute...how I miss all of them....shouldn't I reach out to my own family first? If I would to decide to stay put at Sabah, how would my relative see me? Leaving mom and serve God? Is that good testimony? Lord, You know best what's in my life, I surrender all to You.

7.30pm

Just had my dinner, can't help but broke down at dinner table, this past one week, my days are all full and occupied, and I have not felt tired or worn out instead have the joy of the Lord. As I had my meal, I'm so thankful despite all, and I'm really happy to be able to teach the kids, sing with them and pray with them. From morning prayer with Ibus before class, then immediately after class primary Sch kids will come to me for revision and I'll be cooking my lunch sambil teach, till 1-2pm...then have a it rest, 3pm resume class till 5pm. Today is most pack coz after that I had bible class with kids, and then followed by revision again. Those kids from Kemabong is back, and can see the difference in their standard of studies compared kids at kampung sch...such huge difference, is it merely teachers or really parent does matter? Hmm...Lord, help the kids in this village..

Life at village really simple...and I'm asking myself why do I tend to complicate things? Why I could be so self giving to other but to my closest am not careful with my words...I just feel I am giving my all to the ministry, without return but why am I expecting from my other half so much? If only I could just release and go with the flow, the only reasoning is that I'm not permanent here...if I am, will I get bored and lost focus and thinking to escape as well? Well, these are the questions I need to find out...long term...how long? Lord...only You know....

Even as I lay to sleep tonight, Daddy, speak to me...that I will be like Samuel, when you call, I'll say speak Lord for your servant hears....

Now waiting for the young gals to come and I'll have bible study with them, still thinking what to share, guess listening to God would be the topic, based on Rick Warren sermon, translated into English, would also love to hear from villagers how they hear from God...would be more of sharings than preaching la...pray God will lead us :)

Attacks

10 September 2015 9.30am

The Ibus are writing now and I can rest awhile. Am super lethargic coz ystd din have a proper sleep. Went to bed at 9pm, 10plus was woken up by lights - it was insects with glow, kind of interesting to see how bright it is actually, then tried to sleep back but then heard very loud voice, ppl praying loud and rebuking enemy...I was like...har...in the middle of night in a peaceful village also have manifestation of spirit meh? Was contemplating should I go see or not...anyway I decided to go, and to my surprise they are rebuking the spirit out of a austism kid. Not sure he's autism or down symdrome...don't have the expertise to differentiate but he's 10 years old yet can't walk...poor little boy...all of them prayed so loud to cast of the spirit, and in my heart I was asking the Lord, what is this false spirit ? They based their judgement on a prophesy of a lady...the lady said the boy is possessed and therefore the ppl believe...and by end of the thing, I was asked to pray...and I took this good opportunity to explain to them that this boy is special kids, probably there is sth that scares him that makes him scared and shouted, but villager still insist that when they pray the boy stopped...anyway, I just prayed for safety and blood of Jesus to protect the family and the village...and then commotion ended...

After that I went back but I couldn't sleep, was asking the Lord, what is it all about? Is the lady sound? What she prophesy, is it real? Last week she also said many many things in church...and I was also abit sceptical, and I ask the Lord to forgive me and help me not to have judgemental heart but be led by His spirit, until now I still have no answer...I shared my opinion to the kindy teacher, she din hear anything coz sound asleep...but she said will find out...God help me to have discernment!!! We really not fighting against flesh and blood but against principalities of the dark forces...Lord, help me not to judge! 

Nine Nine 2015...haha

9 Sept 2015 5.43pm

Just finished class, I find it's hard for the mom to write, so I guess I would just concentrate on reading only. Today I learnt that when you find joy in the things you do you will do it well, and focus is the key,'compared with Kapulu, I guess I have taught better at Ahuron, coz the focus is really there, I don't have to prepare lesson for the kids and just concentrate on the adult class and I did a lot of writing on papers for them to read, I guess I'd improved compared with Kapulu, indeed experience is a good teacher, but am wondering how come in rship i doesn't seems to really learn by experience? Haha...probably different scenario. I wonder how can teachers who taught for years remain stagnant, coz when I teach I feel that I'm improving, probably still sth new to me, Mayb if I'm really a teacher I would be also bored and run out of idea. 

Today as I ponder on Gods word, somehow there is this impression, God will place you to do things other ppl can't do, I'm not sure where I read this, but suddenly it dawn on me deep today, yea, something that I do good that other ppl may not be able to do so, it's my tenacity to stay in the village with basic necessities, and I could survive...this is not what everyone can do, and I should do it well, I kept saying to ppl im mission material, yea I guess so, this is my call, and should I give up because of relationship? Well, I don't know...just pray that he would have the same heart, and vision, otherwise I guess it would really be hard to come together as one. How I really wish that he would be the one, really feel tired paktoh-ing without settling down eh....it has been some time I haven't have a good talk with him, just feeling sth is so missing 😞sometimes still thinking whether God intend me to be single...huhu...shouldn't think so much already la... This 3 weeks I had been thinking deep, with no distraction, and somehow my heart just need to trust Him...total surrender, that's what it means....

Besides the water problem I am actually fine here, but I guess my calling is still children ministry, not so much of adult coz I seems to be quite shy still with the Ibus...not very connected yet, probably language barrier...

Come to calculation of months I'm at Sabah, actually it had been more than 5 months stay already, from 13th April to 23rd Sept 2015...and actually in between I had only spent 2 weeks break at home...other than that it's just seminar and time at KK...time really flies. 5 months I had not been working and out of income, well, God is faithful, I believe He will continue to supply...I had no lack...whereas how long still I will be in Sabah, I don't know, Lord, You lead me. It's quite scary to commit to a ministry and get paid...so I still prefer to be on my own, but how long my saving can last me? Hmm...don't know...just have to take one day a time lah...

Today I find the weather abit hazy, at up high place here it's hazy, wonder how is Penang...loss of connection, seriously don't know what's going on with the world, haha..

Tolerance level tested

8/9/15 8am

Waiting for my students to come. Spend some time typing, hp batt gonna be flat off, so might as well finish it off, my solar panel can't charge the USB, so haha, have to wait this Thurs to charge when there is service, now survive on power bank but need conserve it for my travel to KK next week, time passed, one more week I'll be down, heart feel glad coz water run low here at same time heavy coz I don't think the teaching for literacy can be continued..don't know whether I'll come back again. And I wonder how many boxes I'll carry with me next week back KK, pray for good weather and favor.

Ystd dream very very weird dream, each time I dream I don't seems to understand the dream, perhaps I should ask for the Lord to reveal, each time I would just pray that God will speak but I do not specifically say how He will speak, so tonight, I'll pray God will interprete the dream for me. Less than one month I'll be in US, and travel alone...pray that all be good; most important, I pray I'll be able to settle my stuff when I'm back pg, even just 5 days before I fly, God help me to establish all that I needed to back home...

Now at this village, I spent more time praying for prayer request with the Ibu's...feel like early devotion is with them...I still can't establish deep prayer session with the Lord...sigh...its best time to really pray and seek Him, but often time im still occupy with other things although at a village without line and wifi, that how the enemy distract us eh...

6.27pm

After back from sentral, the water tank level became so low and juz now when I bath, I could see jentik jentik in the water, I still bath nevertheless but my heart feel very geli, and now just feel like having gatal gatal over my body, it's just a feeling, Lord, speed my days here...I can live without food, electricity, line, wifi, but just can't tolerate dirty water 😪 the villager say they will connect water to the tank tonight but still,..the tank is so dirty, and I just feel shy to ask them to wash the tangki...sigh, one more week, Lord please jaga my health, really really miracle I could go thru all this...under no choice circumstances, I can still endure, but if I am to come back, I really have the fear of my life..Lord please help me! I'm counting down..9 more days, Lord I really need your assurance. Please guide me and show me that what I did here really bring progress to village and not just someone who came and cause them to trouble coz I can't used to their water system...I guess I would have to mandi sungai and wash baju at sungai if the water does not come...will my baju be clean? Even now, my legs oredi had a lot marks of mosquitoes and insects, all these are coz of dirty kitchen and toilet where so much mozzie around. I have no problem in room coz I kept it clean, but kitchen and toilet beyond what I can do...indeed I really consider myself wonder women liao...only because of God...I can go through this...what other religion that would touch ppl to go this extend har? Only Christ, the Lord, His love so ever significant that He sent His Son to die for us, so we may follow Him and die to self in our service to Him....it's such a real experience, that God is so real that I can go thru all this....all because He first love me.....

4th Sept 2015

4th Sept 2015 8.30pm

Haha, today I discover actually the solar panel has a USB port, so which means I can charge my hp at night when I on the light, hihi, so now not scared to continue using my hp for games and also wrote notes coz later I can put it to charge, but not sure 5V is all right and won't spoil my hp batt? Anyway my hp pun not new one, so it's okla, when spoil got ppl will bless me again, haha! 

I am really thankful for Him for all the things I am experiencing here, each day, time spent with Abba Father is so precious, many things my heart concern, but I can only lay it at the feet of Jesus, He is good, am also going through the Elijah House materials and trying to seek root cause to issues of life and I pray that in this 2 weeks He really would do a deep work in me, feel so liberated knowing that the power of cross that sets me free. Not that I'd not known before, but just that this time, He really ministers and speaks deep into my heart. Most important I guess is that there's practically no distraction here, esp that now at night I could quiet myself alone, in the cool breeze as I have electricity here already...each moment spent w Him is just so personal, the trust and faith built...oh..it would not go to waste...

Okie, time to charge my Hp and test see how long would it take to fully charge...tomorrow will be at Sumambu, come to think about it, each village I had actually stayed twice, first when I first came, I camped at Ahuron, Katubu, Sumambu, Kapulu, then when I'm stationed at Kapulu, I did went for Sentral at Katubu again, and then tomorrow Sumambu...and Ahuron here, am staying for longer period...God is good, just look forward meeting Sumambu ppl, at least they are more of same frequency as me...haha...Uni grad at least :) not to compare, but indeed can see difference between those who had seen the world compared with those only constrained at village :) all things work for good nevertheless :) 

Note: usb don't work for my iPhone, wonder why, anyway doesn't matter coz I'm already back at KK, praise God 

17 Sept 2015

3rd Sept 2015

3 Sept 2015 9.40pm

Just finished service. Again I'm preaching and I just got to know instantly after worship...when I was asked to pray for the khutbah...normally when U preach, it's you who will take over worship and pray before sermon. I was like...har?? Me again? Less than one week I already preached 3 services...and it's so impromptu, esp this time, but somehow I just shared bit here n there, this time really totally no sermon notes eh...just speak what's in my heart, indeed my 4 mths in sabah really deepened myself w word of God whereby I can quote quite a lot scriptures instantly, perhaps it's really work of the Holy Spirit...

Tomorrow will be one week I'm here and I'm adapting quite well, though weather here abit hot, but at least at night I won't freeze la like in Kapulu...but noon always sweat like mad...but quite used to it oredi I guess. I can mandi twice here, though it's rain water but at least I have a closed toilet where I can mandi, haha...and it's always amazing that someone like me who's so afraid of cold can mandi at any time now, even at night, with torch...if combined the water at kapulu with toilet here, I'll be a happy girl :) anyway I know indeed God had watched over me, and I know all these experiences had mould me...not one time it's wasted...

This weekend will be at Sumambu for Sentral, then I'll have wifi and I think my watsapps would explode liao...most important have to arrange with Rumba to pick me up from KK...and I have to sort my things out whether to bring to Kuching or put all back at KK, still don't know how is everything...but again I'll trust Him la...

3 days without wifi and line...seems quite ok for me, actually am not so dependent on it...but just when have it I'll tend to use la...I am getting to know myself better and I want to be a confident girl, one that God so loved and not to allow negative things to come and make me down...praise God for all things...He is really really good...

 

Where is the heart for building up future generation?

27 aug 2015 11.20am

I'd been charging my hp in the classroom for the past one week, no class seems to be on...so pathetic la...what are all the teachers doing here? How can the children progress? Sigh..Lord, please stir the heart of the teacher here...let them aware, if in the future their kids are placed under such teacher their future would be gone as well...

17 Sept 2015

Can really testify that indeed kids in villages are poor in term of their learnings compared with town. Had taught 2 bright std 2 kids who studies at Kemabong primary Sch, and they know so much more vocab compares with a std 4 kids in the village sch...haizzzz....teachers fault or parent?

2 sept 2015

2 Sept 2015 3pm

Waiting for Ibu to come for lesson. I have with me 8 Ibus from Ahuron. All of them doesn't know any letters, so practically I'm starting from zero. Not feeling very well now, too well fed I guess. Vomited all that I ate in the afternoon...so nice that today I haf cherry tomato after so so long and it's my favorite, probably eaten too much that my stomach can't take it, prior to that I took rambutan lagi, haha...so all the campur campur makes my tummy bloated. Thank God now am all right :) and ready to teach :)

3 Sept 2015 9am

In midst of class again, it's really trying my patience, they really hard to catch up, what am I suppose to do? Lord teach me to be creative. Thank God ystd the villagers pasang solar at pastor house. So now at night I have my electricity already, no need use torch anymore...this village is more giving, not to compare but really the principle of sowing and reaping is indeed so real, they are more giving, therefore they also received much and I believe God has blessed them much too...those who are generous the Lord indeed will bless. The ppl here are more industrious as well, they really have more plantation and a lot vege they planted themselves, so they are quite blessed. 

Looking at the speed of teaching, am abit doubtful I can have student that would really read by end of the day  :( should I come back here then ? Sigh, don't know ler, if here got line would be good, it's raining heavily now, my bathing tank would be full by now...hmm, really cannot imagine myself mandi-ing with rain water and drinking from tank which are many many days in the tank, but anyway really thank God for the ppl here who really care of my welfare, in terms of food, I have no lacking, so much of babi to eat and also now they purposely install solar at my place...I can consider bless oredi...Lord, help me to continue to give thanks...

Everyday I had ppl giving me babi, and I won't lack meat here compared with Kapulu...so far since I'm fasting really have plenty food to eat everyday and can't finish. Here the best is that I don't have to cook rice, so save one more job :) but miss also to fried rice. The rice they cook too lembut, so can't fried de...till now my throat still abit pain, everyday just claim healing...Lord help me with teaching