2nd Day at Haggai

Today as I walked alone at the beach, I pondered on my life...each day is a blessing...

As I sit and listened to each participants of what they do and what's their vocation, I feel so small, they are co-founder of organization, CEO, general manager, doctors, film producer, and most are holding high position and here they are in Haggai, being equipped more for His work, but why am I here? Just to hear Gods call and confirm it? Have He spoken but I do not hear it? He had arranged and I had missed it? 

But He whisper in my heart, if not because of Haggai, I will not be bold and take that step of faith to resign from work. If it's not of Haggai, Sabah won't look so attractive for me, if it's not because of Haggai, I would not seriously think about my vocation and Gods calling. Everything just fall into places, and God is IN it! One set of footprint, it's where when God is carrying me....and it's just that one step of footprint in the sand. 

Looking back, if I had not obeyed Him in faithfully giving towards various needs and tithing, I guess I won't be greatly bless this way. Not easy, but when God challenged and I obeyed, He provide for all my needs. So far I have lacked nothing, though with physical eyes, I loose many things, but in His kingdom I had gained much. There must be some form of sacrifices, but count it all joy because the reward is great in heaven. I am not boasting in my own personal life, but I am boasting in the Lord. If not because of the call, my leg would not be scarred coz of many insects bites, I would not have to go thru changes of enviroment that consumed my energy so much, I would not missed so much of my times with my family members, friends and my loved one. But God kept assuring me....before I came to Hawaii, I had dinner w brother and I played and carried Merlyn, and she did not cry. My sis in law was saying me and Merlyn had fate, coz every one that carries her, she would cry because unfamiliarity, but when I carry, she was just calm in my embrace..deep in my heart I knew...because I loved my nieces and nephews, when I was back home, they would recognise me, because that is my concern i raised to God before I left for ministry. He cares for all the little things in my life. All things work together for good to those who love Him. The sacrifice would be worth it all....

Feelings

Words can't describe my feeling now. These 5 months are really full of ups and down...many times I asked the Lord, have i heard right? Am i following His will? I guess in a way I shouldn't digest too much into it...and believe God really have His way. Throughout this 5 mths i really had learned a lot, and I know He is still not done with me.

I am thankful for friends that come along my way, some are for moment, some lasted long, some are touch and go, no matter what, I know He is still faithful, bringing each into my life for reason and season. Along the way, there are certain things I had picked up, and there are some I need to dispose. But I know God will help me through, friends that come by, I know surely it's not coincident but God has made the path cross, and I pray, along the way....I'll learn to appreciate and continue to be a testimony. Many times I always thought that im alone, but I guess I haven't learn to appreciate all those who are praying for me, many of them, my spiritual father and mother, my Sunday school teachers, SSK teachers, my acquaintances and all those who kept encouraging me when i lost hope, but sad that I had only looked to one man, but I guess it's not too late...I better learn my lesson well this time, otherwise I'll still be back to the cycle...

God, let the trip in Hawaii be a defining moment for me..I know all this is not coincident. He had made it possible for me, thank You Jesus. 

Friends come and go, along the way, they leave marks in my life...whether good or bad, God allows it to happen. Just thankful for everything that He had brought me through

Countdown to Hawaii...Aloha...

Been quite some time din have the time to pen my thoughts. Life is full of ups and downs and I know God have really mould me and shape me all this 5 months in the village. I know there are still much to learn and change, by His grace I will be able to do it. 

I witnessed how God really moved so mightily in the youth camp in Sarawak, and how God had ministered to me. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakth. I had been listening too much of lies of the enemy that make me so weak, I have to learn to process it with good thoughts. Today I'm again amazed at series of events that make me feel so assured again despite the heartache and troubles...indeed it's true that sometimes we just want to at our comfort zone because that's the safest but oftentime God will place us at most uncomfy situation that requires so much of dying to self in order for Him to be lifted up. 

I have not learn to love myself enough, that's why I couldn't receive love...and that cost many troubles in life, but I'm learning, each day is a brand new day. As  I'm embarking on a new journey, I pray the Lord will just guide my path. Sometimes just gotta go by faith. The better days are out there!

Lord Jesus, Thank You for sending Your Son to die for my sins. I will not stand condemn by what others spoken towards me, because I am special, always very special in Your eyes. Thank You for being so patient with me, providing me the very best for me.