7.48 pm 23 Aug 2015

7.48 pm 23 Aug 2015

Sitting at school now with kids tying my hair...today suppose to be my last day here but then dunno how they manage to contact Ahuron people and ask them to fetch me Tuesday..so tomorrow have one more day to have my line and access. Starting to miss them already...I cooked barley with dates for them to drink, that's the best I can cook with limited ingredients I had..and they enjoyed it. Suppose to have Penutupan today but postpone to tomorrow...and the Ibu's gonna cook for me again...

This morning, I woke up very early, 6am..because of a dream...went to school and in the end I got quite disturbed, my emotions was really bad, just feel somehow my spirit wanna die off liao...and I wish I could just go down to Ahuron without any line and access so I can shut myself from all the discouragement and bad news one after another, my heart is just so weary....While walking back, I slipped...I just felt like don't want to get up and wanna cry and shout on top of my voice!!! I went back feeling discouraged, nevertheless need to prepare for service. I waited to see whether Ibus walk passed for the Ibus meeting but until 9am still never see anyone walking towards church, so I went again to sch, to charge my hp, and again checking messages...and I got even more upset! My heart pained to every inch of it....I have to put and end to all the negative things, all the bad news, one after another...hurdles after hurdles seems never ending...I pull myself up and I tell myself I have to get out I have to get out...so I went to church after that...and when saw all the kids hangin around, I just gathered them and tell them story of Abraham...how he obeyed God to extend of sacrifice his son Isaac on the altar...

I was reminded the prophesy I received long long time, a moment ago....sacrifice my Isaac on the altar...probably now it's really the fulfillment of the prophesy I received long time ago, giving up my life, my family, my career, my loves one to altar of God...

Halfway through teaching leader came to me and say Celina, hari ini kamu khutbah, hari terakhir kamu...I was like...hmm...can I say no? Anyway I said bah bah, without a clue what to share. I was abit not ready at heart, esp so many things occupy my mind...anyway i just pray and ask the Lord to help me...I had few messages I heard from my laptop but is that good enough? If not words of season for the villagers, so there will be no power, I just surrender and prayed...and then the scripture reading for today was : 

““You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘ Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”

Matthew 5:21-26 NIV

 

I was convicted that I'd done my good part, and the rest I can only surrender...and during worship, God just gave me a message miraculous, and I searched for scriptures, can't find...and I just told God...take control...and there

I was at the pulpit....and man, I shared a powerful message. Don't know where does the courage and power come from....im speaking like a politician!!! Such annointing I received from Him!!! The power of pressure I had faced prior to that, and the power of surrendering, that God would give me a message so timely, not for the ppl, but for me very personally...as I shared, You are special, I told the congregation, they are priceless, don't allow any sticker to stick to them and affect their spiritual life, wow, it's like God come down and talk to me so so personally. I challenged them also to pay 10% tithes and read Gods word coz it's the only thing that can give life, and words just came...pap pap pap...so precise and I shared with much tremors and tears. I shared my personal walk with God here at village so transparently to them, that when I wish for some food, somehow I don't go down on my knees and day long prayer but God answer it.. Just like that..and assure them, and myself, God had never forsaken anyone...im really preaching my heart out, for myself...and then I prayed for the ppl, I could just literally feel Gods presence, oh it was awesome...I was so set free...

Really thank God for such special moment, times when I feel so downcast, He again proof that He is the author of my life...how beautiful....Lord, always remind me of this beautiful experience with You. For those reading this, whenever you see me discouraged or down, please always remind me how God have truly been my God all these while....and forevermore too....

And my hair is up :) 

My beautiful children...Lord bless their heart...

And now they are playing uno at my house...last night spend w them here...I am going to miss them. I know one day I'll see them again, my prayer go with them, that they are going to study hard and will be able to get to Uni and one day they would recognize me, the Cikgu Celina that always nag them to study :) 

Okie time to zzzz and tomorrow still another day for me to wash and pack, thank You Lord for the good night sleep...

24 Aug 2015

Last day, hope it's real and ppl really pick me up la...

Dunno how is Ahuron like...been packing for quite some time, pray tomorrow I won't have to wait long coz I don't plan to cook and have any meal until at Ahuron liao...

God direct every of my step please...

Almost 4 months out from Pg...so much valuable experienced altogether...to God be the glory :)