11 August 2015

Yesterday night I finally broke down and cry.....the last time in the village I cried was because I was so touched with what the Lord have been doing in my life..and also when sharing with the Ibu's of my life testimony and Gods word...this time I was sorrowful, not because I'm not happy in the village, but slowly I had lost myself in the doubts of my heart. I have been again questioning what am I doing here and why am I going to Ahuron next. Will it make any difference...to the point I thought of packing my bag and just leave..I am telling God I just don't feel I can do this anymore...and then I slept so soundly after that. It's so real what I listened at the seminar about missionary care, when we not strong enough in the lord, we would leave the ministry feeling bitter and broken... 

I woke up early morning and I forced myself to read His Words and continue to pray and Matt 10 ministers to me. God reminded me how his disciples are being martyr for being His disciples and how have they stood the time...and what I'm doing here is just abit of what the disciples did, why should I be so afraid of the arrows that flies by day and pestilence that stalks in the darkness? Why should be be questioning what I'm doing here when I had seen so so much of Gods evident goodness to me? I repented and ask the Lord for forgiveness..and I know He would lead me to higher ground and I just need to press on. Of course in ministry there are ups and downs, the more we want to do Gods work, the more challenges I will face, and I have to count it all joy...Lird, let Your joy be my strength always and forever...

My sunday sch kids, getting lesser and lesser..mayb what I teach is not so interesting and the guy all cabut...anyway, I just have to believe whatever I had sown will not go in vain.

Counting the days to go Ahuron and to the Sarawak mission trip as well...