18 Aug 2015

Typing in the class now, this week won't be teaching so much on the lesson but more of scripture and songs.

Ystd was a very low moment for me, somehow I got to a point of so negative that I really lost myself..and ashamed of myself..how can I being in ministry, bringing good news to the people here yet my heart is not properly checked. That's how much relationship problem affect me. I don't not want to be in this cycle again...i guess that's how depression begin if I'm not careful...I guess it's another hurdles for me to overcome again...But as long as Christ in my heart, everything going to be all right. I should not dwell in it and just move on...afterall after end of this week I won't have any access to data, and pray my heart will be more settled after 3 weeks of silence...

This morning God reminded me of His faithfulness...that He always answers prayer...when the answer don't come, just be still.

There are so much of challenges i faced since the last trip back here...but in midst of all, I know God still with me, but I guess whether to continue it, it would be another question...I really felt so lonely at times, don't know why this has been my life...and it's always during this time God would be my one and only keeper where no one else bother. I really tasted the ministry experience, whereby sometimes it's just You and God...coz ppl will never be at ur position to feel how U feel, but it's only God who can be the one comforting me...and I also tasted of rship with people in ministry too, really needs to be covered with much prayers, I guess I would still last today coz ppl been praying for me, am thankful for the prayer been offered for me, those that really stand with me in prayer for ministry.

Whenever I see these hungry souls, no matter how is the condition of my heart, it soften and I just want to do my best to reach them with love of God. If only that could be applied in everyday life...that would be great...

It's Tuesday, we had good time singing praise and worship just now...from 2 hours lesson to 3 hours and my heart just feel glad..4 more days will go down to Ahuron, can't imagine life without wifi...will see how good I will survive...I believe with God I am able to do things, just need to believe in myself, that's the issue with me...always need ppl to assure me and not God at the very first place, Lord, after so much experiences with You, why am I still doubt...help my unbelieve Daddy! Help me not to let others label on me to stick on me, help me to learn to put oil on my body that whatever bad label people put on me will not stick, help me just to care of how U look at me and not human...for man always fail, but You never fails....

This 2 weeks sch feels so quiet, some teachers not around, so activities going here and there and I don't see much of teaching going on and students are watching movie most of the times, wonder does that happen at other sch, Lord, I tried not to judge the teachers but really pity the kids and the standard, only Lord you know! 

I claim healing for the bump to go away...I don't want to go down just to see the dr again, but am trusting You...I realy hate taking painkiller and this is the most painkiller I'd ever consumed in my whole life, now I can imagine those ppl that needed medication for the rest of their life, sigh...Lord please extend Your  healing hand on me, sometimes could feel the pull of the fingers but I just can't rest, coz I have to do everything here...and I could understand the role of mom...how can the housework be so busy and occupied by it...just have no choice coz it's her family....all would be well, I just need to set my heart well and rejoice because He is with me!