2nd Day at Haggai

Today as I walked alone at the beach, I pondered on my life...each day is a blessing...

As I sit and listened to each participants of what they do and what's their vocation, I feel so small, they are co-founder of organization, CEO, general manager, doctors, film producer, and most are holding high position and here they are in Haggai, being equipped more for His work, but why am I here? Just to hear Gods call and confirm it? Have He spoken but I do not hear it? He had arranged and I had missed it? 

But He whisper in my heart, if not because of Haggai, I will not be bold and take that step of faith to resign from work. If it's not of Haggai, Sabah won't look so attractive for me, if it's not because of Haggai, I would not seriously think about my vocation and Gods calling. Everything just fall into places, and God is IN it! One set of footprint, it's where when God is carrying me....and it's just that one step of footprint in the sand. 

Looking back, if I had not obeyed Him in faithfully giving towards various needs and tithing, I guess I won't be greatly bless this way. Not easy, but when God challenged and I obeyed, He provide for all my needs. So far I have lacked nothing, though with physical eyes, I loose many things, but in His kingdom I had gained much. There must be some form of sacrifices, but count it all joy because the reward is great in heaven. I am not boasting in my own personal life, but I am boasting in the Lord. If not because of the call, my leg would not be scarred coz of many insects bites, I would not have to go thru changes of enviroment that consumed my energy so much, I would not missed so much of my times with my family members, friends and my loved one. But God kept assuring me....before I came to Hawaii, I had dinner w brother and I played and carried Merlyn, and she did not cry. My sis in law was saying me and Merlyn had fate, coz every one that carries her, she would cry because unfamiliarity, but when I carry, she was just calm in my embrace..deep in my heart I knew...because I loved my nieces and nephews, when I was back home, they would recognise me, because that is my concern i raised to God before I left for ministry. He cares for all the little things in my life. All things work together for good to those who love Him. The sacrifice would be worth it all....

Feelings

Words can't describe my feeling now. These 5 months are really full of ups and down...many times I asked the Lord, have i heard right? Am i following His will? I guess in a way I shouldn't digest too much into it...and believe God really have His way. Throughout this 5 mths i really had learned a lot, and I know He is still not done with me.

I am thankful for friends that come along my way, some are for moment, some lasted long, some are touch and go, no matter what, I know He is still faithful, bringing each into my life for reason and season. Along the way, there are certain things I had picked up, and there are some I need to dispose. But I know God will help me through, friends that come by, I know surely it's not coincident but God has made the path cross, and I pray, along the way....I'll learn to appreciate and continue to be a testimony. Many times I always thought that im alone, but I guess I haven't learn to appreciate all those who are praying for me, many of them, my spiritual father and mother, my Sunday school teachers, SSK teachers, my acquaintances and all those who kept encouraging me when i lost hope, but sad that I had only looked to one man, but I guess it's not too late...I better learn my lesson well this time, otherwise I'll still be back to the cycle...

God, let the trip in Hawaii be a defining moment for me..I know all this is not coincident. He had made it possible for me, thank You Jesus. 

Friends come and go, along the way, they leave marks in my life...whether good or bad, God allows it to happen. Just thankful for everything that He had brought me through

Countdown to Hawaii...Aloha...

Been quite some time din have the time to pen my thoughts. Life is full of ups and downs and I know God have really mould me and shape me all this 5 months in the village. I know there are still much to learn and change, by His grace I will be able to do it. 

I witnessed how God really moved so mightily in the youth camp in Sarawak, and how God had ministered to me. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakth. I had been listening too much of lies of the enemy that make me so weak, I have to learn to process it with good thoughts. Today I'm again amazed at series of events that make me feel so assured again despite the heartache and troubles...indeed it's true that sometimes we just want to at our comfort zone because that's the safest but oftentime God will place us at most uncomfy situation that requires so much of dying to self in order for Him to be lifted up. 

I have not learn to love myself enough, that's why I couldn't receive love...and that cost many troubles in life, but I'm learning, each day is a brand new day. As  I'm embarking on a new journey, I pray the Lord will just guide my path. Sometimes just gotta go by faith. The better days are out there!

Lord Jesus, Thank You for sending Your Son to die for my sins. I will not stand condemn by what others spoken towards me, because I am special, always very special in Your eyes. Thank You for being so patient with me, providing me the very best for me.

I kept falling in love with Him

21 sept 2015 930am

Am at kindy teachers training now, flesh wanted to rest but heart wanna be a part of them. Though don't really understand whole flow of training but I still attend and be helper as much as I could, meet this gal name Rebecca, she's Caucasian; giving her life for the work of ministry as well, really encouraged to see ppl who have heart for God not counting the cost. Talked to her and she's such a nice lady, can feel she's a gracious gal...she knew some teachers not teaching well, but she does not rebuke, but what she told me is that teaching should come with the heart, the Lord will convict, so she it's not up to her to rebuke and it's not based on punishment or rebuke that they will do better but conviction of the Lord and of course love, and the Lord will definitely convict...such encouragement. And she speaks good Bahasa!! Salute...many many mat salleh I met in Sabah that gave their life to the Lord serving...will I be one of them I wonder...

This few days I had been sleeping quite late and still wake up 6am, felt body is abit low batt, God sustain me! Thank God for all the good sharings I had with new friends I met and Rumba...I know God have plan for me, I just need to listen and really obey...ystd sermon by the guest speaker also just for me...God is really good...

Tomorrow will travel into interior again, hihi, then wednesday flying off, I just can't rest at home, haha...but I know God will give strength...abit sleepy though...

Live post finally

Now am able to post online finally...had finished uploaded all my post written in village, now am updating real time blog.

Thank God I safely reached KK, travelling alone in the bus with 2 luggages and 2 boxes of my barang. Praise God for good journey and faithful servant of God who never fail to pick and drop me each time I come to KK. 

Looking back at all the post, can't imagine I am doing all this. It is really God who had lead me so far and I know He will continue to lead. I just have to rest and trust in Him. Lord, help me to rest in You! 

This few days I hope I can have enough rest for Sarawak mission trip and then will fly to US for the Haggai conference. Indeed God is good. Still many things not put in place but soon it will I pray. Will be joining the teachers training this sunday - Tues and then Wed straight fly to Kch...still have not done packing to estimate how heavy is my luggage, whether do I need to check in. I'll probably leave most of my things here la...Lord, thank you for your protection so far, and a very meaning journey for past 5 months. I guess the most unforgettable things is how God really arrange my transport from KK-Tenom-kemabong, to and fro, despite the inconveniences. Also how the Lord bring diff strangers to fetch me to where I wanna go. All these aren't coincident coz no such things as coincident coz really it wouldn't happen just like that, it's really divine and I surely know God is in it :) 

Still rise as early as im at village now though I'm out in the town...still feeling blur blur but it's going to be a good day coz God with me. Look forward for the camp and back home :) all glory, honor and blessings belongs to Him!

Doa Dan puasa

Sunday Service

13 Sept 2015 10.08am

Today we have fasting n prayer service again, I'll be sharing at 4th session, hope by then the villagers still awake. I was so touched during the worship, we sang ampunilah dosa kami, selamatkan bangsa kami, the song is about restoration, and I feel this song is so appropriate for building prayer altar...God that U will heal our land. I don't understand Murut, so now typing here while putting thoughts on place. 4 more days I'll be down to KK, pray God will help me arrange my  transport down coz I'm with many things, as how He did previously, He will do it again, I just have to trust Him!

My thoughts are everywhere today, missing home...and also thinking of whether I will bring my car to Sabah, will i continue to serve here? Is he willing to join me in Sabah? Many uncertainties, guess in all that I just need to continue to trust Jesus coz He is the author and perfecter of my faith....

4 more days...sure I'm going to miss them again...but somehow I have more heart for the Kapulu, probably coz spiritually they are more needy...here at Ahuron, ppl are quite all right, most of the young ppl know how to read, even those don't know they have heart for God, and knows how to pray...so my presence here not much needed as Kapulu...

Anyway, where's next again? That's the question I don't have an answer, I can only continue to pray and commit to God....  

8.12pm

Praise God this morning I had good time sharing with them about prayer and fasting, pray I'd explained well...now at night service and again I'll be sharing...my head is aching, whole day I din manage to rest, from morning till now, had quick dinner thinking I can rest but then villager came n gave me wild boar again, so I have to cook it, and I fried half n half cook soup, and now I'm really low batt liao, Lord, grant your servant strength ! I guess I'm tired coz period...din expect it will be so soon, God is good nevertheless, I thought I don't have to go through the inconvenience of period here, somehow I have to go through it and still give thanks. Lord, grant me health and strength! Even as I share your words, You anoint my mouth to speak forth Your words...thank You Jesus...

September eleven

11 Sept 2015, 2.07 pm

Finally have some time to rest coz din cook much today, just steam and goreng fish, plenty of food today, 3 chicken wings, 4 buns, 8 fishes, 2 avocados, wow I am super blessed. So bless coz all are my favorite, esp avocado, it's so expensive over at town, but here I can have it anytime, the villagers have their own plant...God is really good. I know I can't have everything so perfect but where God place me really is perfect in His plans for me. Here although water is issue, but I have plenty of food and won't be lacking in nutrients, unlike kapulu. If I had the same food as I had at kapulu I think my body won't last coz the water really not clean here...though I'm feeding on mineral water now, when I make drink and mandi I am still using the tangki water, and I think my body won't take it...I guess my body is really tough and tahan-ing now...coz every night I could feel that my throat is so dry and sore, but each morning when I wanna teach it's ok...so it's really very not natural that my body able to take it, it must be divine....If only the water here is good and got line here, I really won't mind staying long, haha...but what does the Lord actually say? The ppl here are quite self sufficient, I am not doing much here too, for the literacy class, it's really tough but anyway I know ultimately not me but God....

Ystd we had prayer at every house in the village, due to a word of knowledge given by a villager...and I also joined and asked to Amin-kan doa 2 times, really need to be ever ready here, quite a challenge for a BM like mine...anyway at least the villagers really have heart to pray, for whatever reason it is...fear or really wanna obey the word of knowledge. Not sure what the lady had spoken to the church so far, but she seems to be like a lady prophet to the church...Today Murina said to me that that night really the boy had manifestation and after prayer he became calm, well, I don't want to comment further but just commit to God and ask the Lord to forgive me if I had passed judgement and grieve the spirit. I'm not sure have I sinned, the bible said if we blaspheme against spirit it's unforgiven sin, but what does it really mean? Am still pondering on it...

Countdown, 6 more days, Lord I pray everything will go well, not sure how am I gonna pack my stuff and go Tenom alone..Lord help me...You have always proven faithful to me, so am just trusting You la...

It's very very windy now, wind is so so strong, wonder elsewhere is there anything happening? Any more quake? How is political situation at malaysia now? Would Najib step down? How is mom? sis? Joel and Jared? Joseph? The 3 J's in my life...how about brother and Michelle and Merlyn? Last msg mom sent me was that Merlyn and Michelle slept over in the evening at mom house and mom says Merlyn is cute...how I miss all of them....shouldn't I reach out to my own family first? If I would to decide to stay put at Sabah, how would my relative see me? Leaving mom and serve God? Is that good testimony? Lord, You know best what's in my life, I surrender all to You.

7.30pm

Just had my dinner, can't help but broke down at dinner table, this past one week, my days are all full and occupied, and I have not felt tired or worn out instead have the joy of the Lord. As I had my meal, I'm so thankful despite all, and I'm really happy to be able to teach the kids, sing with them and pray with them. From morning prayer with Ibus before class, then immediately after class primary Sch kids will come to me for revision and I'll be cooking my lunch sambil teach, till 1-2pm...then have a it rest, 3pm resume class till 5pm. Today is most pack coz after that I had bible class with kids, and then followed by revision again. Those kids from Kemabong is back, and can see the difference in their standard of studies compared kids at kampung sch...such huge difference, is it merely teachers or really parent does matter? Hmm...Lord, help the kids in this village..

Life at village really simple...and I'm asking myself why do I tend to complicate things? Why I could be so self giving to other but to my closest am not careful with my words...I just feel I am giving my all to the ministry, without return but why am I expecting from my other half so much? If only I could just release and go with the flow, the only reasoning is that I'm not permanent here...if I am, will I get bored and lost focus and thinking to escape as well? Well, these are the questions I need to find out...long term...how long? Lord...only You know....

Even as I lay to sleep tonight, Daddy, speak to me...that I will be like Samuel, when you call, I'll say speak Lord for your servant hears....

Now waiting for the young gals to come and I'll have bible study with them, still thinking what to share, guess listening to God would be the topic, based on Rick Warren sermon, translated into English, would also love to hear from villagers how they hear from God...would be more of sharings than preaching la...pray God will lead us :)