It has been more than 2 months I left hostel. Busyness is always in my diary...regardless I work or dont work. The harvest is always plentiful but my heart is feeling heavy, the laziness and the issues I faced in the past...do I over magnified it or it is something that the Lord requires me to overcome?
Last week, during my birthday, I had this special encounter with God...in the clinic feeling as if I am dying to suddenly feeling free from pain, like this is the feeling probably when one passing through valley of shadow of death ? That suddenly you feel free from pain, but unfortunately or fortunately I woke up....haha....and the pain is just gone. Had a good lunch with nieces on 26th and then meeting with Adeline and Daniel to encourage one another, and without them knowing...their cake for me after they left is a sign that the Lord cares of me! And then the conversation with Ps Danny Phang. Well, many hints from people around me that I am meant for Sabah, but yet my heart is feeling heavy. I know God sent people to guide and counsel....but I really want to hear from You Lord! Regardless how it is....Your WORDS must be loudest, not pastors, mentors or friends. Lord, I just needed that clarity and assurance from You! Help me Lord !
Ystd faced another big crisis in family that my heart ache....Lord, Please intervene in my family! When will they come to know You ? Please speed Lord!
The below is devotion I read today.....out of that spirit of heaviness.....I am still called to minister to people. Despite my own issues, I am still having conversation with Ps Paul on things in the connect. Been some times I didnt shed much tears....this morning I just broke down....who am I that deserved such grace from God....that He have always love me and never let me go...Lord, please preserve this heart for You. Help me to cleanse my lips and let me surrender fully to You....
Isaiah 61:1-11 MSG
The Spirit of GOD, the Master, is on me because GOD anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. GOD sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by GOD to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of GOD,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever. “Because I, GOD, love fair dealing and hate thievery and crime, I’ll pay your wages on time and in full, and establish my eternal covenant with you. Your descendants will become well-known all over. Your children in foreign countries Will be recognized at once as the people I have blessed.” I will sing for joy in GOD, explode in praise from deep in my soul! He dressed me up in a suit of salvation, he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara. For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, So the Master, GOD, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations.
Teach me dear Abba, to have a blameless and pure heart!
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