26 May 2016

So much to be thankful of. Yesterday I entered into 36th years of my life here on earth. Reading back what have been written back in 1st Jan moved me to tears again, His assurance, affirmation and transformation that He had done in my life. The more I want to seek Him, the more He is close to me. 

He have been speaking to the depth of my heart, just the faith and trust that I have to believe in, the courage to hang on to His never failing promises which does not have a definitive date, all I know He can and will do it ! 

My birthday was celebrated in such a meaningful way, as what the Lord had impressed in my heart. At times I may not understand, but His answer always come surely. 

This photo jumped out to me so so clearly, affirming His words spoken to my heart. When I ask in faith Abba will do it. Still finding abit difficult to receive but guess now it's time to let God and allow myself to be bless as I have been blessings to others.

Matt 7:7 still ringng in my mind...I know that this is what Lord had spoken, I have to learn to claim and I will have it.

Am glad to be able to spend time with dear friend of mine, though just over a short period of time thru midnight. 25th May, a full day occupied with life-giving encouragement, visiting an elderly who was in pain and then hospitalized, having one on one with new believer, sharing Gods love and faithfulness, leaders meeting and meeting up with Joyce, each of the task done, passionately, because I love Jesus. So by end of the day I slept at 3am and this morning still fresh to work. If this is not because of His grace, how will I cope? When I was on the way back, it is as pouring cats and dogs, and as I walked the stairs...again...where else could I find such satisfaction, despite the hectic day and minimal wages...my heart is full, full of assurance that this is the best thing that I can do and this is what I did best and good at, so why am I still doubting and looking towards the secular job? Lord, help me not to look at the sign and dollar but to the miracle that You will always perform. You are good :)

Well, I had my great 36th birthday celebration, a meaningful one because I desire for it and God grant it according to what I desire, thank You Abba!

Thank You, thank You Daddy for this precious moment with You and Your children. 

1st January 2016

Today marks the beginning of 2016. Am thankful for year 2015, a year full of joy and tears, but through it all God has been very very gracious to me.

So much things happened throughout the year, from Haggai National Seminar, to Haggai International, which made me enforced a decision to quit my job without knowing what's really next, to the step of faith in Sabah, and then back to Penang now...all these bittersweet experience would always remain so so dear in my heart.

I had learned and experienced much things where not many would go through, 8 months without the lucrative salary, surviving in villages whereby everything is so basic, travelling alone to and fro unfamiliar places, meeting and talking with strangers, preaching and giving altar calls...all these are really not expected...but it happened and these experiences had make me stronger than before because God had became so real to me. I feel sad that I could never share this with a friend so close to me, because so much of friction happened, that things would never be the same again. But I pray, one day...the glory of God will be revealed.

This 2016 would be again a very significant year for me, up to this point, I am still clueless what's ahead of me. It's really a beginning of a journey of faith. I know if I cannot overcome this burden on me, I can never soar in ministry. I pray God will give me the strength and help me to rise above all the situation. I know with God I can do all things. Past 2 months have been really a struggle for me emotionally. Suddenly I lost everything it seems. So lost that I almost fell into depression, but God brought me through it. There are times again the thought of God, please take me home came, but deep inside me I know not the time, life is such a journey that no matter we like it or not we have to move on, so rather move on happily and look for the positive in all things. I knew God had changed me a lot, the process of peeling off everything that is not pleasing to Him, process of refinement, and I am still pretty much work in process. One day when I see Him, I know that I am beloved child of God, that He has always assure me and give me the strength to carry on. 

Do continue to pray that God will confirm to me what He really wants me to do for His kingdom as I desire always to serve Him in full capacity. I know that it's always a journey and never the destination first. For those who have been following me on this blog, would also appreciate if you would to pray for me and be in partnership with me along the way. Thank you for all your prayers and support. I know without all the prayers offered to Abba, I would not be where I am not..

Have a blessed new year 2016 !

30 November 2015, a month before bidding 2015 goodbye

It had been 2 months since I came back from Sabah...spent a month in Hawaii and it has been a month I was back in Penang....

This 2 months brought me so much tears, the painful lessons that I have to learn along the way, I stumble and fall, but God always pick me up again. When the time I was in my desperade situation, it's always the time I was left all alone...and this is exactly how the Lord deal with me, to focus just in Him rather than men...

Coming back to Penang again is quite a scary things for me somehow, the trauma of all the negative words spoken against me...the discouragements I received and also heart issues which needs to be dealt with...and I just can't do it in my own. Was like a yoyo for some time, but now I am declaring this to come to past; I am highly favored, deeply loved, greatly bless! I guess in ministry that's what would happen, and I believe everything I had gone through are preparation for me, in life there would be much hurts, esp from the loves one...that's why my heart have to be really tough...things would work out fine when I am in a place where nobody knows me...because I went in as ministers...people look up to me, but when I'm back to my own home, and if I were to be in a ministry for a permenant period of time...that's where all the rubbings would come...and if I am so sensitive and easily hurt, I think I would be doom...so I have to really train myself to put up an armour of God...to help me in this journey, with belt of truth buckle around my waist, breastplates of righteousness, shoes ready with the gospel, shield of faith with which extinguish the darts from the enemy, helmet of salvation and sword of the spirit which is the word of God. In all these, pray in the spirit as how the Lord leads....

I really cannot be bothered by how other people look at me but what does the Lord really is saying? Many times opposition will just come, and I gotta just move on and on and on...

Last Saturday again the Lord speaks something which is unreasonable...with a very heart I have to listen...if it is from Him, and I test it out, my faith would rise again, Lord, as i painfully give it all to You, You, You will return it to me back with many many folds.

Many times its really very scary...but when He speaks, He will bring it to past...

So Lord I am trusting You....and You shall bring it to past....

 

Post Haggai

Another month since the last time I blogged. Now at car workshop to repair the holes of my tyre coz of nail which for whatever reason stuck to my tyre, well, blessing in disguise, at least now I know my front tyre are bald and need to do alignment and balancing which I never did before for 2 years, how ignorant I am...

Came back home and I have so much to handle and deal, but Gods strength is with me, at times feel I'm so worn out, I kept hanging on to Him...all I know Abba Father have deal with me much...and I know He will continue to do so. Despite how gloomy the situation is, I had learned one thing, to keep in prayer and tell no one, human always fails but God never and it's really so exciting when experiencing that tangible love of God in my life...and it's all about Him and nothing about me.

I am just a human full of sins and with my sinfulness God came and redeem me and I ought to live my life as a prince and not pauper...I just wish that those struggling same thing as me would also experience Father God...

Life is full of pains, but the joy of pains is seeing our inner self grow and be renew by the Lord, pity is one who is blinded to see the truth, as enemy constantly sow seed of deception, when we think we know it all, it's when the pitfall begin...so we ought to guard our life and mind against unwholesome things and keep our heart open...and allow God to work and speak into our life...

Thank You Lord, for you have been the healer of my heart, my advocate, my all in all...

2nd Day at Haggai

Today as I walked alone at the beach, I pondered on my life...each day is a blessing...

As I sit and listened to each participants of what they do and what's their vocation, I feel so small, they are co-founder of organization, CEO, general manager, doctors, film producer, and most are holding high position and here they are in Haggai, being equipped more for His work, but why am I here? Just to hear Gods call and confirm it? Have He spoken but I do not hear it? He had arranged and I had missed it? 

But He whisper in my heart, if not because of Haggai, I will not be bold and take that step of faith to resign from work. If it's not of Haggai, Sabah won't look so attractive for me, if it's not because of Haggai, I would not seriously think about my vocation and Gods calling. Everything just fall into places, and God is IN it! One set of footprint, it's where when God is carrying me....and it's just that one step of footprint in the sand. 

Looking back, if I had not obeyed Him in faithfully giving towards various needs and tithing, I guess I won't be greatly bless this way. Not easy, but when God challenged and I obeyed, He provide for all my needs. So far I have lacked nothing, though with physical eyes, I loose many things, but in His kingdom I had gained much. There must be some form of sacrifices, but count it all joy because the reward is great in heaven. I am not boasting in my own personal life, but I am boasting in the Lord. If not because of the call, my leg would not be scarred coz of many insects bites, I would not have to go thru changes of enviroment that consumed my energy so much, I would not missed so much of my times with my family members, friends and my loved one. But God kept assuring me....before I came to Hawaii, I had dinner w brother and I played and carried Merlyn, and she did not cry. My sis in law was saying me and Merlyn had fate, coz every one that carries her, she would cry because unfamiliarity, but when I carry, she was just calm in my embrace..deep in my heart I knew...because I loved my nieces and nephews, when I was back home, they would recognise me, because that is my concern i raised to God before I left for ministry. He cares for all the little things in my life. All things work together for good to those who love Him. The sacrifice would be worth it all....

Feelings

Words can't describe my feeling now. These 5 months are really full of ups and down...many times I asked the Lord, have i heard right? Am i following His will? I guess in a way I shouldn't digest too much into it...and believe God really have His way. Throughout this 5 mths i really had learned a lot, and I know He is still not done with me.

I am thankful for friends that come along my way, some are for moment, some lasted long, some are touch and go, no matter what, I know He is still faithful, bringing each into my life for reason and season. Along the way, there are certain things I had picked up, and there are some I need to dispose. But I know God will help me through, friends that come by, I know surely it's not coincident but God has made the path cross, and I pray, along the way....I'll learn to appreciate and continue to be a testimony. Many times I always thought that im alone, but I guess I haven't learn to appreciate all those who are praying for me, many of them, my spiritual father and mother, my Sunday school teachers, SSK teachers, my acquaintances and all those who kept encouraging me when i lost hope, but sad that I had only looked to one man, but I guess it's not too late...I better learn my lesson well this time, otherwise I'll still be back to the cycle...

God, let the trip in Hawaii be a defining moment for me..I know all this is not coincident. He had made it possible for me, thank You Jesus. 

Friends come and go, along the way, they leave marks in my life...whether good or bad, God allows it to happen. Just thankful for everything that He had brought me through

Countdown to Hawaii...Aloha...

Been quite some time din have the time to pen my thoughts. Life is full of ups and downs and I know God have really mould me and shape me all this 5 months in the village. I know there are still much to learn and change, by His grace I will be able to do it. 

I witnessed how God really moved so mightily in the youth camp in Sarawak, and how God had ministered to me. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakth. I had been listening too much of lies of the enemy that make me so weak, I have to learn to process it with good thoughts. Today I'm again amazed at series of events that make me feel so assured again despite the heartache and troubles...indeed it's true that sometimes we just want to at our comfort zone because that's the safest but oftentime God will place us at most uncomfy situation that requires so much of dying to self in order for Him to be lifted up. 

I have not learn to love myself enough, that's why I couldn't receive love...and that cost many troubles in life, but I'm learning, each day is a brand new day. As  I'm embarking on a new journey, I pray the Lord will just guide my path. Sometimes just gotta go by faith. The better days are out there!

Lord Jesus, Thank You for sending Your Son to die for my sins. I will not stand condemn by what others spoken towards me, because I am special, always very special in Your eyes. Thank You for being so patient with me, providing me the very best for me.