12 March 2017 - Mission Week

Been some time I had not blog, again, heart is full of thanksgiving, each time God never fail to touch this fragile heart of mine. Again, and again and again, I'm growing and God break me in many ways, in the end I came out pure as gold. I can never express how thankful and grateful my heart is towards the work of the Lord in my heart, sometimes it was painful, sometimes it was full of joy, sometimes immune to things happened around me, regardless of what it is, and was, one thing always remains - His everlasting love for me, no matter how people misunderstand me, God never. 

This month was really such a crazy month with SURF weekend, mission weekend, hosting of Pastor Daniel Ho and my own mission trip which is another 4 more days. And God gave me such extraordinary strength and joy that this time round I wasn't been burdened nor stressed about this, but just with joy do whatever I could in my stretched capacity, and I know I just had a changed

of heart, how God dealt with my heart, towards colleagues, church, pastor, mom, and I just felt my life again took another turn of victory. My heart is so soft, each time I see a little growth, a little improvement, a little changes in Summit, in the way I see myself changed, I am always moved to tears, how faithful God is. My greatest joy, how God had answered my prayer, my leaders are growing, taking more responsibilities and many of the boys are in Penang now are having a male figure to guide them. All these, I guess no one would experience it any better than myself coz I pioneered Stradford works, from zero to something, and really, I am not prideful, but I am boasting in the Lord that yes, it is Him that enable me.

Such a joy each time I see them. I know I'm so at the right place, to train and love them as how God loves them. And I know the next journey going to be exciting with Penang campus students. It's another level of challenge, but I am confident the God who started this work, He will help me into completion. My heart just cried...not because I was sad, but to see how much I can do with the Lord walking side by side with me. This is something so personal, which I guess no one would be able to comprehend, because Abba walked with me. I'm so so grateful, all my labor is not in vain, Lord I pray it would not remains like that, but Lord, increase the passion in these students, let them have the personal encounter with You, with Your words. 

I can imagine, I am so moved by compassion, our loving Father, I'm so sure when He looks to these children...He is also so pleased with them, all are His beloved. 

Thank You Jesus !!! 

Bring me to higher level with You Lord!!!

Love, 

Your beloved daughter, Celina

So Resound in Me....14.2.17

Hillary Scott - Thy Will Lyrics

From the album Love Remains

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here

I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now 
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about

It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store

I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees
All that comes to me is 
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you see me 
I know you hear me, Lord

18.1.17

After 10 months working, I had my first MC besides when I was hospitalized. Same old thing again, head pain. Lord, when is this thorn in my flesh will be removed? I wanted to do so much things but I am restricted with my health. Are you asking me to take rest again and step down in ministry? How to slow down the pace? I don't know Lord, I just couldn't fold my arm and do nothing. Are you saying that I should just pray and see thing fall into places? I don't know Lord...You knew my heart wanted to reach out to so many ppl, I wanted to share if Your goodness and faithfulness but I'm stumbled in this pain. My mom relate the pain to ministry, everyone think I'm stress..worst still Doctor think I am having depression that I have to be on anti depressants. What is it Lord? Am I not happy with life? Am I not living a fulfilling life? Or was it some stronghold in life that I need to deal with? Haizzzz...really feel I'm not living a testimony. Perhaps I put too much expectation on myself....Lord, help me. No one can understand me except you..and I'll continue to trust in You Lord. Teach me Abba...

13 January 2017

First post for year 2017.

Been so occupy with so many things. So much things to write about but without consistency. Came across this devotion and just feel it's very relevant, so nothing much to share, just look forward, for what the Lord have for me in 2017. 

Devotion : 

Pippa and I enjoy doing crosswords together. When we are stuck on one clue we don’t give up, we move on to the next clue. Every time we find an answer it helps us in resolving some of the other clues. In the end, we are sometimes able to solve most of the puzzle (although rarely all of it!)

In a way, reading some of the difficult parts of the Bible is like trying to solve a crossword puzzle. Rather than getting bogged down in a tricky section, you can use the passages you do understand to help you resolve some of the more difficult ones.

Often I find it hard not only to understand some of the difficult passages in the Bible, but also to understand why certain things are happening in our world. There seems to be so much injustice. There are no easy answers.

I love the second great rhetorical question from yesterday’s passage, ‘Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?’ (Genesis 18:25).

One thing that you can be sure about is that on the last day, when all is revealed, you will see God’s perfect judgment – and everyone will say, ‘That is absolutely right.’ Each of today’s passages tells us something about the fact that, in the end, God will put things right.

1. Trust that there will be a just judgment

Psalm 7:1-9

Some people might think that belief in a God who judges would lead to more violence in the world today. In fact, it is the opposite. When people stop believing in God’s just judgment, they may be tempted to take it into their own hands and seek revenge against their enemies.

David trusted that there will be a judgment – that God will be the judge and he will judge justly. ‘My accusers have packed the courtroom; it’s judgment time. Take your place on the bench, reach for your gavel, throw out the false charges against me. I’m ready, confident in your verdict’ (vv.7–8, MSG). In other words, David trusted that God would deal with his enemies.

If you believe in a God who is going to execute judgment with perfect justice, then you can leave it in his hands and do what Jesus told you to do: love your enemies (see Matthew 5:43–48; Luke 6:27–36).

In fact, as Miroslav Volf put it, ‘The practice of non-violence requires a belief in divine vengeance.’ So many of the world’s problems today would be solved if people believed in the fact that there is a God who judges justly and that we can trust him to put things right in the end.

Lord, I take refuge in you (Psalm 7:1). Thank you that as I can be confident in your perfect judgment, I need never seek revenge but rather love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me (Matthew 5:44).

2. Trust in Jesus, to whom God has entrusted all judgment

Matthew 7:24-8:22

Jesus knew all about building houses. He was a craftsman by trade and had worked as a carpenter. The illustration he uses is down-to-earth and practical: two men who each decide to build a house (7:24–26). No doubt they intended to live in and enjoy them, perhaps with their families. Both were building something of long-lasting significance. Our lives are like these houses, yet their significance is for all eternity.

The most important feature of any house is its foundations. These houses differed little in appearance. But only one had ‘its foundation on the rock’ (v.25). Similarly, two lives can look alike, but the difference in the foundations is evident when, inevitably, the storms of life come.

You will face challenges in life. They will come in many forms: misunderstandings, disappointments, unfulfilled longings, doubts, trials, temptations, setbacks and satanic attacks. Success, too, can be a test. There is also pressure, suffering, sickness, bereavement, sorrow, trauma, tragedy, persecution and failure.

Ultimately, all of us will face death and God’s judgment. The image of ‘rain... torrents... winds’ is used in Ezekiel to refer to God’s judgment (Ezekiel 13:11), but the language of judgment is not confined to the Old Testament. Here, and elsewhere, Jesus warns of the coming judgment, as do the other New Testament writers.

When ‘the rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house’ (Matthew 7:25,27), the house built on the rock ‘did not fall’ (v.25), but the one built on the sand ‘fell with a great crash’ (v.27). These are solemn words of warning. The trial may be during this life or it may come on the day of judgment. What is certain, according to Jesus, is that it will come.

However, you need not live in fear. It is not easy, but there is a way to be sure that, when the foundations of your house are tested, they stand firm. It is possible to know that your future is secure.

Jesus tells us that the key difference is that the wise man not only hears the words of Jesus, but he also ‘puts them into practice’ (v.24). The foolish man, on the other hand, although he hears Jesus’ words ‘does not put them into practice’ (v.26).

Knowledge must lead to action – our theology must affect our lives or else we are building our lives on sand.

The words of Jesus are, first of all, a call to believe in him (John 6:28–29). Our salvation is by faith in Jesus, lived out in obedience.

You can have absolute confidence in Jesus’ judgment, because he has the authority of God himself. Jesus was amazed at the centurion’s faith in him. He said, ‘Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith’ (Matthew 8:10).

The evidence for this faith came because the centurion believed that Jesus’ word alone was sufficient to heal his servant (v.8). His rationale for believing this is profound. The centurion recognised that, as in the army, authority comes from being under authority – so Jesus’ authority comes from being under the authority of his Father. The centurion saw that when Jesus spoke, God spoke.

Furthermore, this perfect Judge is not aloof from human suffering. We know Jesus experienced injustice, imprisonment, torture and crucifixion. But in this passage we see that he also experienced sickness (on our behalf, v.17) and even homelessness (v.20). There is little in human suffering that Jesus himself did not experience.

Father, thank you that not only is Jesus able to sympathise with my weaknesses, but he also died for my sins bearing the judgment for me so that I need not be afraid.

3. Trust that, in the end, the Judge of all the earth will do right

Genesis 19:1-20:18

Yesterday, we saw how Abraham pleaded for Sodom and Gomorrah. We do not know exactly what their sin was, but, ‘the Lord said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous”’ (18:20).

It appears from today’s passage that their sin included a horrific culture of group rape (19:3,5). We read in Ezekiel 16 that their sins also included being ‘arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy’ (Ezekiel 16:49). This could be a description of our own society in the West.

God says that if there had been ten righteous people in Sodom and Gomorrah he would have spared it for their sake: ‘For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it’ (Genesis 18:32). He gave every opportunity for the only ‘righteous’ people to leave. When Lot hesitated, the angels ‘grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the Lord was merciful to them’ (19:16).

The judgment on Lot’s wife seems very severe (v.26). Whatever the reasons for it (and I am not confident I know the answer) it certainly stands as an example. Jesus said, ‘Remember Lot’s wife!’ (Luke 17:32). We are not to look back. If we have left a life of sin, then we must not turn back to it. They were told, ‘Flee for your lives!’ (Genesis 19:17). In the same way, we are told to flee from evil desires (2 Timothy 2:22).

Even Abraham was not without sin. Indeed, he repeated the same sin over again – trying to pass off Sarah as his sister and almost causing her to commit adultery. The message of the Bible is that not only does God save sinners, he also uses sinners. He blessed Abraham and answered his prayer (Genesis 20:7). God uses us despite our sin because he is merciful and God, in Jesus, has taken the judgment upon himself.

Lord, thank you so much for the difference the cross of Christ makes to the day of judgment. Thank you that I can be confident that, in the end, the Judge of all the earth will do right.

Pippa Adds

Matthew 8:6

‘“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralysed, suffering terribly.”’

The centurion cared not just for his family and friends, but also for someone who worked for him. Even though the centurion was an outsider and not part of the ‘religious’ community, he sought after Jesus for his servant. Faith can be found in all sorts of unexpected places.

Verse of the Day

‘Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.’ (Matthew 7:24)

Lord, I am building your house and kingdom, I don't desire much earthly things, but now Lord I ask of you for a house of my own, where I can use it for student ministry, I can accomodate whoever I wanted to without having to concern of how my mom will feel, or how my sis will see me...everything is temporal, but your love remains....

Help me love myself more, restore my health Lord...and let me soar with You high...

28 October 2016 - Amazing Grace

After 2 weeks I am up and running again. Today had gathering with all the Stradford Students at one of the guy hostel. The more I spent time with them, the more I want to see breakthrough in this ministry. Each time I see their humbleness and how some of the students who had took my words and the words of those who taught them seriously, esp on life skills and money management it moved my heart to the core.

I began today with a lunch meal with a student couple. Everything was a first time today. I don't really know what to talk, what structure I should use, and how do I really struck conversation with them, yet I had been asking the Lord to guide me. I had this paper that I translated into BM about self worth, so after a good good meal, somehow I started this...

I asked them to describe themselves so they know themselves well, then suddenly the idea of having them to write about their other half, and then the ideas just flow and we managed to struck quite a good conversation, praise God. Am amazed by how God lead me. Then I went and get rice for the 3 hostels and then bought chicken, vege, fish balls to cook soup in the hostel for them. And then my cake is ready and being sent to me. I praise God, one cake would easily cost me RM80 or more, and I have 48 students all, surely one is not enough, 2 would be even more expensive, my colleague's mom agree to bake for me at RM 60 for 2 cakes. God always know how to meet my needs. When I ask of Him, He never fail to answer me.

Aikkkssss, I din manage to capture a good shot :(

Ah, this is a better one.

Today's gathering is pretty much done by all students, I gave every hostel RM30 for food, 3 hostel, but the food they produced is not really up to my expectation. But it's all right, and the Lord multiply the food, initially I was thinking, another 2 hostel only manage to buy biscuits and one make jelly, they could have done much more, like hostel 20 that fried bihun and I believe they spent more than 30 ringgit for the food, but their heart is willing to bless. 

Another thing that moved my heart, while they were frying the bihun, gas habis, and so I was shocked, what they did was they gonna carry the tong gas to the kedai runcit about 1km away...in exchange for new one for RM30. If they asked them to send, it would be additional RM 1, and they told me "tak apa la sis, satu ringgit boleh kita jimat". I was shocked, and me being me, how could I just leave it, so, up the tong masuk my myvi passenger seat, and I brought them to kedai runcit, and they brought out every shillings they had with RM20. I have been pampering them lots, now I am also learning to hold, and let them have the responsibilities to manage money well. But it just break my heart to see them in this condition, so I went and 'angkat' the amma taukeh, sweet talk them and told them these are the poor students from Sabah studying here with minimal support, and ask Aunty not to charge them extra for sending the tong gas when it is finished next time, and Aunty graciously say yes, and I pray she will honor her words.

Oh Lord, how can I find more resources for them, and help them? There's too many of them now, help me Daddy..

We are starting the next new 3 cg next week, and Lord please empower the student leader that I had raised. Help them to grow, and continue to grow.

These are Your precious ones.

With the little soups and rice and fried beehun, it filled all the 48 empty stomach, hehe...the Lord is good.

Lord I just love them....these are the next generation, Lord, raise them up....

And our games time. How will I grow weary being with these people, it is such joy...

And the guys preparing food :)

The harvest is plentiful, pray for the Lord of harvest to send worker to the field :)

16-10-16 GMC

First time in my life being admitted to hospital. This experience I would not want to have to ever again...not many ppl know I was admitted, don't want ppl to disturb me. Having a good rest here. Thank God my fear doesn't come true...all the reports are good, and I guess I can be rest assured all I need to do is just more rest and not other else. 

First time kena pasang drip tube...

And the EEG, look so like the criminal truth or lie game. 

My initial blood pressure, shocking high. 

Tomorrow I'll be able to discharge already...and hope I can really learn to let go and rest...

When the going get tough, the tough gets going

Hmm, as the heading says...sometimes

I wish I'm not that tough. I'm still asking myself, is it worth it? Guess end of the day despite all the negative things that are happening around me...yea, am still that tough ironlady that knew very well that Abba Daddy is with Celina.

Sometimes just couldn't comprehend the misused of the word empowering, was this empowering or merely a push of responsibilities? Everyone wants to take easy way out, but what does the Lord require? Lord, help me!

I'm not the best teacher, I'm not the best leader, in fact I'm not anything, but just a willing vessel willing to be used by Him. And many times this willingness really cost a bomb out of me...and I have to constantly asked the Lord to search my heart...is there anything offensive, Lord just help me. Many things I don't understand, especially the human nature, one type of rice eaten by billions of ppl, yet the people itself is an intriguing factor...as how the chinese proverb go. I just on a ride with Christ's grace and mercy. I know it's just a test of time...time will come when all will be exposed into light and I'm believing for Him to work that miracle out of me...so Lord, I ask of You today, help me always always to look to You, the author and finisher of my faith...

Hanging on to You,

Your beloved daughter