Time for some reflections and while studying the book of Samuel, stumble upon King Saul life...and these past months been really challenging, the more I am getting myself into ministry the more opposition I face, but guess through it all...He is still with me, and being an iron lady, still am going strong...
Had great time with my nephews last 2 days, despite they are not well, and despite of my packed schedules, I still could make time for many things. I pray God will continue to grant me this kind of energy up till the time I go to meet Him. Missing my dad alot...10 more days it would be his 13 years of going home...at times I wonder, how would it be if he is still around...anyway, no point to wonder coz its not going to happen. Having quite heavy burden over mom for past weeks, she have not been well, admitted last week, and today she was vomiting and having diarrhea pula...and I was super tied with students work and the campus camp. Last week really kenot tahan that I just broke down in front of pastor, was shouldering so much things and I feel so lonely. I wish I could be more steady and consistent in my walk with Abba and not to be shaken...but guess God understand me, He has made me this way, a fragile heart...and today I learn something which I hope God will help me to have a elephant skin. Sometimes, I guess working in corporate world is so much simpler...everyone have KPI and everyone in the Dept just need to flow along and make sure KPI is achieved and together everyone will work as a team to get to that point. Execution doesnt seems to be that difficult, probably I have the authority there....but in a full time context...hmm...everyone will have their own ideas...and its again another phase of life...where I need to learn to have better EQ and grace...Lord, help me !
Yesterday also was quite a gloomy day....less than a year....so much things changed. Heart was again crushed...but guess this is the final one...I wish I could just speak to someone....but I know there is no point talking over it...today, this message minister to my heart...Let it go....Let it go....
“But some scoundrels said, ‘How can this fellow save us?’ They despised him and brought him no gifts. But Saul kept silent.” (1 Samuel 10:27 NIV)
In order to serve God and be used by him to become a leader in God’s house in any small or big way, you have to have two kinds of skin: You have to be tender like a baby toward God and toward the people to whom you’re ministering, but you have to have elephant skin when it comes to what the scoundrels are saying. There are many people who have a tenderness toward the Lord, but don’t know how to ignore people who are foolish. Thus, with any little mosquito that goes by, they get discouraged and want to quit. There are others, however, who only have elephant skin, and God can’t use them, because they have no sensitivity toward God or toward people’s needs.
So don’t concentrate on what “he said” or “she said.” If people attacked and maligned King Saul – not to mention the apostle Paul and Jesus himself – it can happen to us as well.
Saul was very wise, for he said nothing in response to the naysayers. He’s going to make a lot of mistakes in his kingship, but not this day. No, this day, he lets the foolish people ramble on. Oh, how good it is to just ignore! That’s more easily said than done, because we could easily get caught up, always obsessing over whether or not someone liked what we said, or wondering, “How about if I made a mistake?” Sadly, there are people who have gone nowhere for decades because they’re worried about what people might think. You have to know that even if God were to use you as he used John the Baptist, there would still be people criticizing it, so you have to just let it go! You have to do what Saul did here. Just ignore it and think to yourself, “You’re not going to take away my peace. You’re not bothering me. No, I know what God wants me to do, and God’s blessing me, so I’m keeping on…”
I do not choose to be in front lines...it is God who had placed me...and whatever it is He is going to bring me through.
Just have to hang in there...and see the victory that I would be rejoicing over it...
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