26 July 2023 - 8.07 AM

 This morning I have a very good good prayer meeting with KK Team. Am glad they go online back and I am able to join them. Always refreshed to be able to sit still and pray through. I am so thankful, my prayer life been improved. Loving all the changes God had prompt me to, and greater things ahead. 

I felt this is season where much prayer is needed esp for Kingdomcity as a church. I know enemy working hard, and as we accelerate as church, the enemy wont be happy and it will continue to kacau us, but we are more than conqueror and we will sent the enemy into hell soon. He will be tied and bound forever. Lord, Your power has healed Ps Paul and Pr Fi. I commit my own health into Your hand too Abba, I know you are working, and I know I am having victory coz it has been won on the cross. 

I dont know what are the road ahead of me but I know God will lead me. Things in hostel are picking up as well. Challenges here and there but I know God is on the throne. Lord please guard my F1 girls...let them experience you like never before. This is my last year with the girls, will surely miss them much, Lord help me to pace myself, not to overwork myself...and help me to release to You whatever I am not able to bear on my own. I feel bad for the girls sometimes, they have got quite abit disciplinary action towards them, I guess that is how I will feel if one day i am married and my husband is disciplining my kids...haha...just like at times how I ache when I myself discipline them. Guess I am being too soft, but Dani remind me of a good point, that a good mother will not always say YES to the kids. The more NO it is, the kids will know boundaries better and grow up better. 

God have been showing me alot things, changes that happen deep inside of me.....I know it is God....and I am so so thankful being at the right place at the right time, being planted in KC as leader and growing together with team. I pray that Lord will guard this unity of team, the leadership in KC Online, Lord, I declare and decree Your goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our life, always and forever :) 

3 June 2023 - Sutera Inn OYO Inanam

 Amazing things are coming my way...little by little, God is revealing things to me....from Kingdomcity service on 28th May, how Kevin shared on moving on to the new depth....new things, expansion that God is giving to one who current situation would not be able to soar...and how leaving behind one whom you disciple is all right coz God loves them much more than I do....like a confirmation from the Lord.

Today Pastor Rajan told me my season here is over,.....and He will send me far.....and Jesyline has a call in her life....God, thank You for your leading. I am looking forward for more to come....You are so so good :) 

As for Edward, Lord, I need Your confirmation...I had been trying to forget and move on....but I dont know why it is so difficult...not that my heart is totally on him....but just that we are in an awkward situation, perhaps to him it is nothing but to me....sigh, i kept on expecting....Lord please help me :( Help me to see your clear plan in my life....Your leading to me is very very very important....I know You will reveal to me....I just know...so Lord help me to be patient and lay everything down to You.

Thank You Lord, I pray that You will help me and my girls to enjoy the 3 days together. Thank You Abba! In Jesus Name, Amen!

11 Jan 2023 - One Hectic week

 Thank You Lord for the new year....

I know it is not a good beginning of the year, but Lord I know that You are in control. I know YOU had changed this heart of mine, there are so much things happened today, but You are in control....You will keep me in perfect peace, whose heart is set on You! Isaiah 26:3...yes Lord....

I know today my heart is steady because I have You, and You have always been my assurance, so thank You, despite all the negative situation, I still praise You...i know something good will come out of it Lord.

Abba, I bring Alidah before you, heal her Abba, let her experience for real, You reality in her life....let her experience You personally....I pray for the scan, I decree everything will be all right. I pray she will find the purpose behind all that had happened...let her begin to ponder and praise You!

Lord, I bring Christian before You, YOu know Him inside out, Lord for the interview tomorrow, I pray that he will do well and I pray for favor from the interviewer, that he will get the job that he desire...thank You Jesus, it will be done according to Your will.

Lord, for Edward, in the Name of Jesus, heal him of his autism, In the Name of Jesus, whatever brokenness in His life, You take it away, Lord heal his heart so that his life would flourish and even as he desire to serve you in mission field again, Lord equip him, let him be patience in waiting, for in Your time, it will come...

Lord for Online Campus, thank You for Pr Mike & Pr Brooke, even as they are adjusting themselves in Bali, Lord I pray for supernatural strength and adaptation, that they and their kids will adapt well, they will understand Your leading, I pray for widsom and discernment, no weapon formed against them will ever prevail. 

Lord for all connects and church at homes, Lord, bring in harvest, meantime let Your people be hardworking in sowing the seeds.....help us not to be complacent Abba.....

Lord thank You for healing, thank You for healing Riana, thank You for your favor over the application of her daughter visa, it will be approved and all be well, Lord for Delphine's dad, in the Name of Jesus, spirit of death, go away! We cast you into the pit of hell. Delphine's dad shall live. Lord, we proclaim healing in her dad life, I pray you grant Delphine strength and wisdom as well. Help her to be strong and continue to show love to her family, that they will know that you are true and living God, thank You Abba!! You are good. 

Lord, for my family....especially brother,....Lord, save him and his family.....I wait on You, for that glorious day...I know You are going to do it! In your timing, meantime, please give me the patience to pray through without giving up. Lord for my mama.....I thank You Lord, that You had kept her strong and healthy, I know it is YOU.....You never fail me....so Lord, thank You for your faithfulness. Continue to watch over my mama, and my sis family. Lord intervene in things that she needed to change, Lord just speak to both her and her husband...You are good, Abba, thank You Jesus...I love you!

My head is aching "(

 Here am I.....not wanting to do anything.....my heart is so heavy, discerning whether is it time to move on..if it is...wouldn't God make it clear to me. Health is getting worst....from migraine to foot and now womb....what is wrong actually? I wish God could deliver me in a miraculous way....but guess it didnt happen, this thorn in flesh for my good ? Lord, i really don't know. All I know I am free from being bound.....I know I had overcome that....but why this pain still persist? Am I not walking in Your will ?

I had 3 emotional days, seeing Pastor Sam and his team ministering to my girls.....my heart always for them....I desire for them so much to grow and learn to love Jesus....but it always hurt me when they are not being obedient, perhaps my expectation is too high....sometimes I felt what I had poured to them is just pouring water down the drain...giving pearl to swine....but I know that is what the devil want me to think...it is not so....God sees all my tears, He sees all that I had poured to them...He sees how much I had sacrificed, finances, time and resources. But I just find it hard to overcome this barrier....my heart constantly battle with the thoughts that nobody cares. I know I am bless with my assistant now...I have a spiritual father that loves me much. what else do I want ? Lord, help me please....I really cant do it on my own strength....I wanted to be overcomer, but I always feel I am a defeater....reach my heart Abba.....

This is my 5th year....what would you have for me beyond this ? Lord, please help me to rise.....

13 Days in KK - Post Operation

Waiting for Mama Meng and hubby to pick me up and go back to KM. Past 13 days, it just passed just like that, yet i felt it was really a significant journey for me.

My worst nightmare came true, that if i was hospitalized or anything happen to me, i am alone to face it in Sabah, but God showed me that it shouldn't be the worst nightmare coz i had so so much love and support from many brothers and sisters in Christ, and even pre-believer friend. Before that I always think that I'm in a journey alone....3++ years in Sabah, nothing really major happening except for the covid infection in hostel. 2022 God finally provided a couple who really love people and Sabahans to come alongside with me...and there was I, hospitalized just at a time where i know hostel is in good care. Talk about timing huh 🤣

As I reflect back, how my heart felt so so thankful for everything that God brought me through. A friend who offer her house for me to recuperate, I met her in Johor when I was in core team taking care of medical students studying in Monash. Knew her housemate who is a dentist when I moved to Sabah. A senior whom I bumped into in Penang airport when I moved to Sabah...he happened to open his business here and been a constant help for me too. A mission friend whom I met once for a trip to Cambodia, who moved to Penang and became my friend and she was transferred to Sabah for work....and many more friends I met along my journey.....they were here for me...near and far....when my family can't be with me. Is all this coincident ? Definately not.....God know how to orchestra things so it work for the good of those who love Him. How I am in awe thinking of how God been so good to me.

Year 2022 start with many challenges but I know it is for building me, and so much God had spoken that at times it felt so overwhelming....Lord help me to always yield to You....to love You with all my heart. To focus on You as my source of strength and not to look to man but to the One who have made me....

I am going back to KM with fresh revelation, and I know God is doing many more great things in my life and I pray He will give me strength to break every unintended stuff in my life and to fully surrender myself to Him....it has really been a journey....I'm eternally grateful to Him...thank You Abba....love you so so so much 💞

17 September 2021 Mid-Covid Post

 Past 1 week was my worst nightmare in Jubilee Hostel. Cried buckets and there are moments where I felt I had no strength to carry on, but for sake for the students here, I had to press on. Despite all that I had done, the hostel is not spared from Covid. I guess the worst thing that hit me was that I kept thinking what went wrong. I had done all the necessary precaution, I had guarded them well, all my girls are aware of all the SOPs and I believe with all my heart and am confident that they understood well and adhere, though not strictly but they knew and the awareness is there....yet we lost it too.....

The worst is that I was all alone handling this...without clear direction from anyone....thankful for my spiritual father and mission friends and doctors friends who gave advice....but in the end...I am here to stay to face it on my own...the stress of handling 2 hostels at the same time, with girls here sick and etc...at same time needing to guard their emotions and the whole spiritual atmosphere of the hostel...and my own mental state....I have to guard it all against falling.....and so happen at the right time....I had known Edward from UK....at midnight hour...when I needed someone to pour out....he was there...not much he can do for me....except an ear to listen...and a prayer rendered to Abba...that is much more than enough...at just the right timing of my breakdown....talk about timing....How God never forsake me....sending even people as far as Scotland to minister to me.....

I am still asking Abba.....what is there to learn? and the whole feeling of anger of what if the opposite hostel management been managed properly...would this whole things erupt? And the suspicion of the whole thing began there....but now it seems that everyone think it started from my girls....I felt unjustified....is that something God wanna deal with me? But isnt everyone have to take responsibilities of what they have done? Isnt it unfair that this landed on me when I had done my best to safeguard my girls? Hmm...I dont know....my heart is just feeling so burdened.....and even as I think of the whole vision of the hostel now....would the students stay on ? Feeling like as if the enemy had triumph....that students will be back and then their education, their spiritual life going to be affected...and the enemy will win....what testimony there is then? And what is the purpose of this hostel then ? And what is my purpose here then with such little students ? 

There are so many questions in my mind.....a sense of defeat....which I know it shouldn't be there....so Lord...please help me to make things right : ( 

Every day....each time I think of this episode.....I will just cry....I dont know...I just feel so defeated...although in front of students I am still feeling tough...but inside me...really I am finding all the strength I can get from Abba....inside me...so much of tension...only Abba would understand....Lord minister to this heart of mine please!

Teach me to be still before You Lord!

Encouragement....

24 February 2020 12.33noon

It had been a rough month of January, with demise of my beloved aunt, my tension in the family, fingers and foot pain, emotional ups and downs, mom's cry for me to be back home...etc....but somehow....I know God will always bring me through. Compared with last year...I guess I am better in holding my emotions now....at least I dont cry in front of my students as often as last year...haha...super mensia suikan...

This encouragement below is from someone I barely know....but it speaks so much to me....Lord, I know many times I had failed you....but You remain faithful....I know You are going to help me through....Thank you Jesus...You know my heart desire most....and I commit myself into Your hand...lead me, guide me...keep me strong by Your side, Abba....

" If the burden of discipleship within you is so strong, don't let anything stop you. Each person is given a certain measure of His Spirit to do what is intended. Perhaps you have a different Spirit, the right Spirit for the right time and place. I don't think God minds the gender. Maybe a Tai Kar Cher figure is what they need. When God's Spirit is upon you, flow with it. You'll then find favor in the sight of God and man (Lk 2:52).

When the girls share their problems, sometimes it's good to just be listeners and pray with them. Sometimes, no words is a good option too. At least you pray for them. As you go along, the experience will help and you'll gain further wisdom. You'll become wiser and able to counsel better. It'll be better than learning the theories of counseling. This is real life and the Spirit that searches all things, even the deep things of God will be your Greatest Helper and Revealer (1 Cor 2:9-12). Counseling and discipling the young ones is an enriching ministry if it is done in total dependance with the Spirit of God. Mother Theresa didn't start as a professional. She was as green as you. But she turned up to be a great figure. I see potential in every person. You can be the Mother Celina for your students! "

Something that I want to remind myself every year....sent from someone i barely know....and how God is always so so faithful and timely....