I was quite upset due to what happened to me and the pastor, I just couldn't comprehend why a pastor could behave like that, and guess as much as I wanted to be strong, I couldn't. I felt so rejected...yet in front of student I got to appear calm...as if nothing happen inside of me. I just dont like people having sour face to me...i dont like to see sad face, what more and angry face....In my heart...i was contemplating just to go another church, better that way as she don't have to see me eye to eye...thank God for Godly counsel...I telan, for sake of bearing testimony to student, I did not behave according to my emotion. So I went to church this morning....and God just touched me....Thank God i sat right at the back, no one looking, haha....but yea...some girls do look behind and saw me...but this is not the first time...so it is OK...I am also human with feeling...
A girl, full of potential, 2 months ago, she cut herself, she wrote letter which surprised me, someone I see so beautiful in the eyes of God, such a potential in her...but the thing she did hurt me, hurt her family and I am sure God is not pleased too...I prayed for her, I asked for prayer for her, I cried for her, spoke to her mom, and slowly she recovered, though she did not share openly what had happened, but I pray God sustain her...2 mths down the road...seeing her growing, esp after Teenstreet camp, and how she is opening up to me now, and she is just like a daughter to me, one that I love, of many others. There wont be absolute fairness in how I treat all of them because all are made differently, but I know there are few girls that I really pray they will rise up and do well coz they love Jesus...their life and character showed....and how I wish I would see them grow and serve the Lord....
I was so touched...and the Lord always never fail to remind me....they are your precious, love them....it is like a mandate I could never run away.....each smile on their face light my life up...and each tears they cried put me into cries too....Lord, that You will use them mightily...
There are many questions in my mind....on my future, my destiny...but Lord, please hold me up always...always always think and trust You no matter what....
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